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All the crap I manage to fit into 24 hours.
About as exciting as it sounds. |
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Hopefully, what with this journal being 'out in the world', I should be able to minimise my moaning and actually clarify a few things. Anything's possible. |
| I would like to sit here and moan about all the crap I have to do, the fact that hubby may not be taken on as a permanent employee at work and we could soon be immersed back into poverty, that I have to make a formal complaint about my evil dentist, and a load of other junk. But from where I sit now, it all seems meaningless. I try to look back and see how we've always got through stuff before, and it's not like one of us is terminally ill or anything. It's all just little problems, but they build up so much, and even the fact I have to get a new exhaust for the car ( I hate garages, they are always so awkward and scary) and get the bus to work today (never done that before, buses are weird!) seems to be bugging me. I must stop letting myself fret the small things. I was drying myself last night after a shower and realised there must have been a large spider in the towel as I ended up covered in spider bits. As alarming as that was, HE'S got something to complain about, not me. |
| ...or I'd be in one. I've spent FAR too much recently, I have to stop now, break the habit. I just keep seeing things and NEEDING things. I never used to need so much stuff, but now everytime I turn around something has broken, the child has grown a few inches and all her trousers flap around her calves, or a bill falls though the door I wasn't expecting. And then of course, there's the nice things, the DVD's on Amazon that beg to be bought, clothes I know I would wear over and over, but don't technically need, etc. I really can't beleive the way things used to last when I was a kid. I only had two paris of shoes at a time, and when my mum bought a washing machine, it lasted a good 10-15 years. Now I seem to go through the things like sweets. Must stop moaning about it, but still, it's annoying. On the upside it's warm out today! I saw the sun and everything, and didn't need all the bits and bobs like scarves and hats, just a coat did me today. The wind off the sae is still horribly ferocious, and when I erected the garden swing for the nipper the other day, she couldn't swing properly as the wind kept blowing her into the side bars, but at least I feel hopeful now that the winter is ending. I even saw some buds ont he trees. Hurrah! |
| That means I have too much to do today, my day is totally fuggled. I hate having a huge long list of places to go, errands to run and things to buy. Somehow I have to go and spend time with a possible new client today, a severely autistic young lady whom I may be spending my weekends with soon, being thrown up against the walls of her flat and yelled out, as, bless her, she only knows swear words, nothing else. I also have to go and collect, then assemble a swing for my daughter, who is also needing home schooling and taking to grandma's and a load of other things from me today. When my husband handed me a load of papers he needs photocopied today beofre he left for work I felt like punching him! This is the middle of nowhere, it's going to take me hours to get to a photocopier. And of course, I then have to waste time here, moaning about it all, like a total chundering chunder-pants. A pox on me! |
| Not some kid with too much black eyeliner, but to actually live in gothic times, say 'ye' a lot, and have stone mullioned windows. I'm reading a C.J. Sansom novel at the moment, and it's all Henry VIIth and open sewers. Ok, so those are not two of the best aspects of history, though I certainly like the idea of big heavy jewellery, long robes, and alchemists up to dodgy stuff. But here I am, contemplating turning on the heating and typing in a blog. How horribly modern. A pox ye oh foul creation! |
| So I live in a farmhouse, although it's the old litle cottage that used to come with the place, and now the farmer has built himself a huge new house, and rents this little, tumbledown lump of stone out. Being veggie and living on a cattle farm is a little weird, but being beef cattle, all they do is mooch about for a good amount of years then get eaten. It's as close to natural as meat farming gets really, it's not intensive, and unlike dairy, doesn't support the veal trade or require artifical hormones and such. Plus, I've not eaten meat since childhood, so it's not some big novelty or burning issue in my life, it's just part of my existence. We are close to the Scottish Highlands, and the land is open for miles. The cows seem to make the most of that, and like to wander. They stay in shelters for the winter, staring at me through the open wall as I stand at my kitchen sink. Then yesterday I noticed loads of folk about, and all the cows (600 of them) were let out the sheds into the fields and woodland, now that all the babies have been born, and the weather is finally warm enough for them. We have a little garden which has a small, ancient stone wall. It's fallen down in places, leaving gaps just big enough for cows to come in and sniff the washing hanging on my line, or stare in at me through the windows. I've got to admit, I love it! There's nothing nicer than the HUGE face of a full grown cow, taking up most of your living room window. If I go out there they wander away, used to being herded from places they shouldn't be, but all I want to do is touch them. The only downside, is my lawn is now peppered with cow pats. I must stop running out there in just my slippers. |
| ...sucks. My closest friend has decided my child is a bad influence on hers, as she is homeschooled and apparently this is something my friend's child wants dearly, so there must be no further contact. I reassured her that my child doesn't, and has never spoken of this to him, she sees it as a normal option, not something to brag about, but this is apparently not good enough. In a way I wish it was something she had done personally, at least then she could understand why she will no longer be allowed to play with her little friend, but this is not her fault at all. So, lots of tense emails, lots of sitting in front of the computer waiting for her to get back, and now it is all over. I have virtually no experience of relationship break up. The last time I split up with a boy I was 15, I cried for two days then thought nothing more of it. Two weeks after that I met my husband, and here we still are, 15 years later. This doesn't feel as serious as the loss of a love, but to lose a treasured frindship still sucks. Dammit. |
| Nothing to eat at work except bagels. That's a major problem with being trapped in a building for 24 hours and forgetting to take food with you. You're stuck with whatever the company is willing to provide. I ate 8 bagels in one day, and although that's not like eating my body weight in chocolate, I feel crappy. That and the postman did NOT bring my Amazon order with him. Who the hell does he think he is!? I need new DVD's! |
| I had a dream last night that I wrote this really great piece of prose. I remember reading it, and thinking about putting it up here first thing this morning. I wish I could remember it, any of it. Dammit! |
| Sent off a letter to the Scottish Education Authority this morning, to ask their permission to home school. It's a weird formality really, you have to ask, but they have to let you, so it's kind of pointless. Poor little nipper's bored stiff, and now we're planning to move to Austria, she needs to learn German and get good! All these huge scary choices are playing havoc with my diet. A person should not live on Easter eggs alone... |
| I never used to be scared of the dentist, but since that horrible filling she did without numbing me first, I'm scared to go back. It seems no amount of complaining to the manager is going to make them take action. I really should go the whole way and report her to the BDC, for that, and all the other negligent things, but like so much in life, it's so much stress to see these things through. I'm dreading tomorrow. I know it's the last time I'm going back there, and if she hadn't left me with half a tooth no one else would fix, I wouldn't go back there at all. Just can't wait for it to be over. Right now I'd rather give birth to a 10lb baby than go back in there. At least the last time I did that no one was telling me that 'It can't really hurt', and 'Calm down, it'll be over soon'. |
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I still think, if the other mom is letting that sort of thing break up their friendship, maybe it's for the better. You never know.
Yoga isn't helping?