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Because I was born and raised on the moon |
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My name is Aria Svetlana Markovitch and I was born and raised on the moon, but abandoned on earth in order to learn. |
I have a confession to make-- I'm a condradiction.... I love changes...I love changing my life. But I'm scared of change.....I mean, God...even to call a new dentists, or a new place to ask for information, I get scared...I don't know why. The unknown scares me, and scares me so badly, that its almost embarassing. I get through it though. I mean, I STILL do what I have to do...I just suck it up and do it, even if I'm close to passing out while doing it. Like in school? Yea...scary...but I got through it. MIght be something mental...might be I'm just crazy or a wimp. I don't know....but hey, I've never let it stop me before. I try and do things that scare me...so that I can get over it. And its working...slowly, but working. Also, I don't like being in public out much. I mean, I still do it.But I am super paranoid...honestly...I try not to meet anybody's eyes, and just stare straight ahead cause...other people...freak me out...Its always been that way. A fear of strangers... |
| So tired...but so much energy..... Heh I've been battling so many things lately, its crazy...I don't know HOW I can be so calm...so very calm. Oh well. I am working towards my goal of writing a book of short stories, and publishing it in 2 years...I know I cna do it. I want to write stories that...make people think about how they react to some things and why...their relationships....and yea... Cause thats what I want.....the human mind is so interesting...so very interesting |
 My wrists are killing me...especially my left one...Got a little break from work today. Went on a date with my Russian Prince, into downtown portland. was nice...very cool...got inspired....woot... I want to write a horror story!....don't know WHERE to even begin though... Also, I figured out I'm very picky when it comes to comic books...I really don't know why...I mean, I like Sailor Moon....but...only because I liked it since I was a little kid, and its been engrained in my head. Deathnote...not a lot of violence really....I mean, its about killing criminals, but STILL....no huge action scenes..its more of a...talky comic.Lot of talking, lot of thinking...I like that....the phychology of it... Thats what I want...a comic book that has more thinking, more ideas, then action stuff.... |
Upgrade is gonna die  And of course...OF COURSE again, the money I had saved up, is, once again NEEDED somewhere else...honestly...its like a curse! Anyways, still no sleep...tired....Scrubs episode was awesome....JD Is awesome....Dr. Cox was...Dr. Cox....I felt for Eliott...Man Poor her! And poor Keith! but go Snoop Dog Attending! WHOO! Yea! Oh, and the Janitor awesome. Also, inspiration at a high/low point, don't ask....ALSO....... ................................yea |
| I don't know my minds limits... I mean, yea, ok...I have a gift for writing, for imagination, and maybe for drawing. Awesome... But I was never really...outstanding in anything else. And it makes me wonder....how good am I really overall? How well rounded? Its...so ...odd. Lately all I can think about it how GOOD I am, how talented, how smart. I don't want other people to TELL me...I want to find out on my own. I know my weaknessess...I know I have a hard time holding information for more then 3 days...I know I have to work a little more to memorize something.... Heh why, oh why, oh why won't my mind leave me alone?! |
| Whats worth it? Just curious. Whats worth throwing away all your dreams? Whats worth doing something you don't want to do, or moving somewhere new, when you are totally comfortable where you are. More money? better job? closer to family? love? your dreams? Nah I'm in a good mood, but I'm just curious...is there anything ANYONE...that would make you drop everything and pursue it? Would anything be able to make you give up your dreams? Speak or forever keep your silence! |
| I have to write this down before I forget. Yesterday night I got zero sleep. Nada. Anyways, after jogging this morning, at 5, quick shower and after starting a new video project, I laid down on the couch to rest. Well I fell asleep... I dreamed I was in this....baby/music store. So many beautiful collections...there was one you wound up, and a little girl would come out of the flower and dance, and then go back in into the flower which would close. Another had wolves going out, another had goldilocks, and another was 4 feet tall, and made out of pure crystal, which shimmered beautifully and gave off rainbows. And then, there was a mobile one, sort of for a crib but not really, that had pixies on it. It also had costumes, that store, and other toys....and it had a monster that seemed tamed... Then I woke up....shhh....don't tell them I was sleeping!....I only woke up like, 20 minutes ago....*yawn* still so tired...but the video is done downloading so...back to work....if I can...yea... |
| I was just walking along today....at 5am outside looking at the spider webs in the trees...and a memory came to me. When I was young...probably 4 or 5, I would close my eyes really tight, super tight "oh man that stings" tight. And when I open them, I would see spots of different colored light that I was sure where faeries. So I thought if I closed my eyes, they would come out of hiding, and then when I open them I could catch him. So I played that little game, and I loved it. Only, I started playing it out in "public"...and my parents were not too happy. Every time I tried to grab hold of the fairy, they slap my hands and say "Don't, people will think your dumb and crazy" and I was so mad. I mean, I understand their concern and all...but at the moment I was mad and deppresed cause...FAERIES! Yes, now I know there is a scientific explanation but....FAERIES! |
| I have to crank out 3-4 video projects in the next 3 weeks... this will be hard considering one project takes me about 3 days...nearly half a week...so that means...yea...not good...gonna be really busy oh my wrist still hurts. Left one, not rigght. Don't know why thuogh...oh, well, maybe I slept on top of it or something... |
| Still hurts....memo to self...drawing/writing for 5 hours straight, then doing the dishes in cold water...bad idea....bad bad idea... Anyways, I'm been drawing and writing more. In 2 years, I hope to have enough short stories to publish into a book--I hope to better my drawings to at least have a shot at getting into some galleries... but this world is...unpredictable... "Good" artists go undetected, undiscovered, even if they try....nobody ever knows of their work. And yet, "bad" artists go to rake millions. And sometimes its vice versa.... You never know if your going to make it or not. You never know if your worst writing/drawing will be the one to give you success, while your greatest master piece decays in silence... Even if I don't get ANYWHERE in life with my dreams....ok, it'll sting...badly....but at least I gave it a shot no? At least, I tried...at least I loved doing what I do....loved my creations, loved the feelings they gave me Man, I need to get out of these depressing thoughts Zevi! You hear that? SWEET DREAMS please.... oh come now! I so did what you asked! .....ok, ok I'll call monday...yes....oh for the love of God yes already....jeez.... |
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Man, I wish we could switch out dreams!