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 |  New blog for a new year |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Every year is a gift: a clean white canvas on which you can draw new elements, a crisp blank sheet of paper to write another chapter, or an empty space where you can play and pray. ~ Catherine Moore ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. ~Mark Twain |
| the style you don't notice. ~Somerset Maugham A word is not the same with one writer as with another. One tears it from his guts. The other pulls it out of his overcoat pocket. ~Charles Peguy I saw this on Facebook (In fact it was from susanL  ) -- http://iwl.me/It analyzes your writing and tells you what famous author you write like. I tried it with four different blog entries (you copy and paste) and got three different authors – Stephen King, Margaret Atwood, Kurt Vonnegut and Stephen King again. Hmmm. I’m flattered, of course, but they’re all a bit different. I don’t know. Anyway, it was fun and painless. Give it a try! I try to leave out the parts that people skip. ~Elmore Leonard And here’s a short TV spot from Values.com that made me smile! http://www.values.com/tv_spots/78-Reach |
| We are old; it shows because we are reduced to babbling about the weather.alfred booth, wanbli ska July 3, 2010 Call me a relic, call me what you will Say I’m old fashioned, say I’m over the hillBob Seger, Old Time Rock n Roll I got an email from WDC the other day that said I hadn’t even logged into my account for over a week. Gee, I remember the days when I checked in every day, sometimes more than once a day. Now my blogging is rare and I even forgot I belonged to the 500 words a day group. OK, I admit to feeling very old lately. (The weather here has been mostly hot and muggy by the way.) Things for me have been clouded in a fog of fatigue and lack of focus. I hardly know where the time has gone or what I’ve been doing for awhile now. Today I think I’m starting to feel human again though. I went to the doctor for my yearly appointment. She thought my symptoms could be lack of serotonin so I agreed to take something for it, at least for awhile. Then she called me a few days later concerned with my new onset anemia. Aha! A little internet research and I could confirm I feel anemic. Of course before she treats it she wants me to get a couple of tests. I agreed to one – the colonoscopy (yuk) – which I had. It was okay, but it left me feeling even worse for a few days since it made me dehydrated along with everything else. I don’t think I need the other test, I just need some iron, but I will talk it over with my doctor when I see her again. With my extremely high insurance deductible everything is out of pocket for me, and I sure don’t want anything unnecessary. (They wanted $500 down for the cscope, and I got my mammogram last week, too. The bills are going to keep coming.) I’m not going to go into detail over the scope except to say they give you some pretty good drugs so you don’t remember. What I do remember, though, before I zonked out was looking up at the screen where the nurse had typed my name wrong and making her change it.  And people in the recovery area repeat themselves a lot. One woman coming out of her anesthetic kept saying, “Boy, it just keeps getting better and better, doesn’t it? Now they want you to fart.” (No that wasn’t me. I just kept telling Jack that my glasses were in my shoe and to make sure I didn’t break them. )Well, that’s enough of that. While I’ve got a little energy I’m going to finish cleaning the bedroom and start on the living room. It’s horrifying to realize how out of hand the place has gotten since I’ve been otherwise occupied. [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] |
| “A handful of patience is worth a bushel of brains.” Dutch Proverb Maybe I should have written this yesterday before the workers started banging and crashing around replacing the balcony upstairs; I watched the Congressional Hearings of BP CEO Tony Hayward (where Joe Barton actually apologized to BP for “a shakedown” then had to take it back under threat of the GOP leadership); and I spent half a day battling my computer. But (insert musical notes here) patience is a virtue, a little bit won’t hurt you. Actually I’ve done fine today with the minor exception of threatening to take a sledge hammer to my computer and once nearly jumping out of my skin when a huge piece of something crashed outside the door. The computer is working okay now, the balcony badly needed replacing, and BP and Congress….well. That sad state of affairs isn’t disappearing anytime soon, no matter what I think or do. And I have a lot to be grateful for. The storms have stopped around here for a little while but the summer heat is on. It’s too hot (for me) to walk very far outside and I’m not good at doing exercises in the house. I’ve been thinking that doing some water aerobics sounds fun so yesterday I went to the pool here at the complex. I hadn’t been in a swimming pool for ages and I really enjoyed it. I’d have liked it better if there hadn’t been quite so many kids since I couldn’t get near the shallow end to walk back and forth. But it was fun and it felt good. One little pig-tailed girl with a gap-toothed smile swam towards me on little water wings saying, “I do this all the time.” She hung around and chattered away for quite awhile. Her name is Alicia (“two a’s and two i’s”), she has a mermaid doll that swims with her. She wanted to see me swim underwater then laughed because she thought my “hair looked funny.” She saw my wedding rings and asked what they were. When I told her she asked, “Where is he? Where’s the man?” “The man” was gone yesterday. He drove down to southern Indiana to see an old friend of his who has Parkinson’s and he spent the night. Mike’s been really sick with a reaction to his medication and Jack was worried about him. My aunt has Parkinson’s also and I know that living with that disease has to take a lot of patience. Thankfully, Mike’s doing a lot better. He needs hip surgery, though, so he’s having a painful time walking on top of the disease. But they had a good time laughing about old times, and Jack came home this morning safe and sound. I’m glad that I found that Values.com site. I’ve spent some time on there looking at their spots and found this one on Patience. It’s really sweet (and short). http://www.values.com/tv_spots/107-Wet-Cement “He is happy whose circumstances suit his temper; but he is more excellent who can suit his temper to any circumstances.” David Hume |
| When the last thing we notice is the color of skin And the first thing we look for is the beauty within When the skies and the oceans are clean again Then we shall be free I’ve sorely been lacking inspiration and the will to write lately. In fact I’m having a rough time keeping myself from feeling like the whole world is going to hell on a sled. (I know I need to lay off the news, but that’s hard to do.) It doesn’t help that it’s hot, humid and storms have been popping up out of nowhere. Anyway, I noticed this TV spot a few times that had part of Garth Brooks’ song in it – We Shall Be Free. I finally remembered to look up the website that sponsored it called Values.com and I’m really glad I did. It was a great reminder of the values that I believe in and I felt better just reading through the site. I think it would be a great exercise for me to go through that list of values every day or so and write something about one of them. Not that I expect the words to that song to come true anytime soon, but maybe I’ll just manage to cheer myself up. Stay tuned. And when money talks for the very last time And nobody walks a step behind When there's only one race and that's mankind Then we shall be free “Although the world is full of suffering, it's full also of the overcoming it.” Helen Keller http://www.values.com/tv_spots/110-We-Shall-Be-Free |
| "I am not confused, I'm just well mixed." -- Robert Frost I knew I hadn’t been blogging (or writing, for that matter) but I was a bit shocked to realize that my last entry was from April. Where did May go?! I admit that part of the reason I haven’t been writing is because I was trying to avoid a huge rant about the whole gulf disaster. It’s hard not to focus on that since it’s so horrifying and there is so much wrong that I’m sure I could go on and on. I’m not going to do that, but I am going to point out one thing that struck me today. Apparently there is a lot of anti-British sentiment that is creeping into the conversation, and it’s ridiculous. Nearly all giant corporations are multi-national and nearly all of them are bulldozing their way through the world thinking only of growing and making money. Everything they destroy along the way is “just the price of doing business.” It’s disingenuous to pretend that this couldn’t have happened (or won’t) with any and all other oil companies. Safety is not their primary concern. (My ex-husband always worked for refineries.) And just look at the giant sociopaths that have a hold of our financial system. Look at the health insurance industry. All any of them care about is making money, and cutting corners is a great way to do that. People, whether employees or innocent bystanders, are just numbers. And there is corruption everywhere as these giants buy our lawmakers and write their own laws, and so on and so on. It all just makes my head hurt. So, with that out of the way, what have I been doing with my time since I haven’t been writing? (Besides playing Facebook games, that is.) I started making some real progress with the long overdue spring cleaning – our office looks like a new room and I’m only half finished with it. But then Jack gave me his flu bug (or whatever it was) and I lost my momentum. Little by little I’m getting some things done, but I realized in the middle of this cleaning project what an “all or nothing” person I am. I work until I wear myself out and then start looking at what is left to do and feel too overwhelmed to do anything else. It’s all about balance, but I’ve struggled with that all my life and I suppose I always will. I guess I’ve done a few other things besides clean, be sick, play games and stew over the gulf. We had a little pizza and movie party here one night, and we went to a cook-out one Friday evening. I’m still reading a lot and watching movies when I can. I thought I had really improved my Sudoku skills, too, then realized I had moved back into the easy section. I’m sure there’s a little more but I’m too well mixed to remember. Hey, I’m just noticing that it feels pretty good to be writing something and I don’t know why I let it go so long.  |
| And you can tell everybody this is your song It may be quite simple but now that it's done I hope you don't mind I hope you don't mind that I put down in words How wonderful life is while you're in the world -- Elton John Sir Elton John was in Indianapolis Wednesday for a benefit concert celebrating the life and legacy of Ryan White, the Kokomo, Indiana native who became the national poster boy for HIV/AIDS back in the 1980s. Ryan, a hemophiliac, was diagnosed with AIDS at age thirteen. He contracted the disease through a blood transfusion. Banned from the middle school in Kokomo, Ryan spent his remaining years battling fear and ignorance about the disease. The reaction and behavior of the townspeople finally drove the White family to leave Kokomo. While eventually allowed back into the school through court orders, Ryan was miserable because of the way he was isolated and treated. Many of his paper route customers cancelled because they thought they could contract AIDS though the newsprint. With some help from Elton John, the family moved to Cicero, Indiana where a nervous Ryan was welcomed into their school. When the made-for-television movie, The Ryan White Story aired in 1989 and the people of Kokomo thought they were portrayed unfairly. Ryan White died in 1990 at age eighteen, just one month before his high school graduation. He did a tremendous amount of good in his role as spokesperson for HIV/AIDS research and education, winning the admiration of many. And Elton John credits Ryan for inspiring him to turn his own life around. He’s now been sober for twenty years. We didn’t attend the event -- the tickets were anywhere from $140 to $500 – but it apparently had a great turn out. It was hosted by Phil Donahue. The proceeds will go to the Elton John AIDS Foundation which he founded two years after Ryan’s death. Also to the Indianapolis Children’s Museum’s “Power of Children” exhibit that features Ryan White. (That we may attend. Indy has a wonderful Children’s Museum. We saw the King Tut exhibit there. ) I’m going to try to embed this You Tube link, but just in case… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTa8U0Wa0q8 This is a much younger Elton John than I saw in the news clips last night. Still, the song is lovely and the whole thing makes me feel a bit like crying. [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] |
| If you want to make enemies, try to change something. ~Woodrow Wilson I’m trying to take in all the changes and improvements the WDC site. Wow! So far I know I like the tabs in my port and the notebook. I like the fan idea and the easy way to update my bio. Now I just need to get busy fanning my favorite folks and coming up with something to say about me. I’m not focused enough to even look at the sliders thing yet, but it seems like it might be fun. The weather has been beautiful here the last couple of days – sunny and cool -- and I’ve spent some time outside. All the greening and flowering seemed to happen overnight, and now, of course, there’s the “lovely” noise of the mowers and leaf blowers filling the air. I noticed one of our neighbors has a really cute bird feeder that looks like a miniature lighthouse. We have some new neighbors and I’m having trouble getting used to the extra noise. Their patio sits right outside our dining room window and there’s been a lot of pounding. Guess I’ve been spoiled and didn’t realize it. Ending on a positive note, awhile back I wrote about my son planning to get serious about alcohol recovery. I don’t remember how many months it’s been, but he’s doing really well and he’s made some very positive changes in his life. I’m so glad and so proud of him! (I just checked my old blog and it was August.) Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine. ~Robert C. Gallagher |
| I used to think I was indecisive but now I’m not so sure Well, my Clean Slate blog certainly has stayed clean. I don’t even want to count how many days it’s been since I’ve written anything here -- or anywhere else for that matter. I renewed my Upgrade here for six more months, though, so I’m going to try to get at least a little good out of it. I haven’t felt very well lately and I haven’t had the energy to do much. I’m hoping I can get over that and get some enthusiasm about something pretty soon. I’m really starting to bore myself. So, I guess I’ll just write something here and spread my boringness around a little. Last weekend we had our little family reunion in St. Louis. There were twelve of us, including two little ones I had never met, and we had a great time. I really wanted to go to be able to see my favorite aunt Donna, my dad’s only sister. She reminds me so much of him. They live in Oklahoma and I don’t see them very often. The last time I saw her was in 2007 and it’s been much longer for most of the cousins. Donna has been really sick and her daughters had to move her into an assisted living place. She really hated to give up her condo but she couldn’t manage the stairs anymore and she was too unsteady to live alone there. They finally diagnosed her with Parkinson’s and got her on some medication that seems to be helping. She was in a wheelchair most of the weekend although she did use her walker a little bit. Her aunt Betty is only eight years older (making her 88) but she seems younger right now. She lives alone and does very well except for some arthritis in her knees. I rode out there with Betty and her daughter Julie and shared a room with them. Donna and one of her daughters and son-in-law were in the adjoining room and it worked out really well. We spent one day visiting the St. Louis Arch, which I didn’t even realize is in a National Park. I’m a bit claustrophobic and not fond of heights, but I did go up to the top with some of the others. Julie said it was on her bucket list. I won’t go that far but I am glad that I did it. After we got home my cousin sent me an email telling me Donna said it really meant a lot to see me. It meant a lot to me, too, and we owe it to Facebook since that’s where the idea was born! And that reminds me I better go check my farm. |
| I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it. ~Charles Schulz I considered writing one of those “timeline about my day” entries I’ve been enjoying here. But I just can’t seem to wax poetic about sorting the laundry, lugging it to the basement and lugging it back upstairs when it’s finished. Besides, I hardly every pay attention to what time it is unless I have an appointment. Thank goodness for the stove timer that reminds to go downstairs and switch the clothes from the washer to the dryer. So I Googled “100 Things To Do Before You Die.” Right away I learned that the co-author of the book by that title died a couple years ago at age 47 really spurring on the popularity of these lists. He died after hitting his head in a fall at home, which certainly goes to show we just never know. Still, I don’t have plans to make a bucket list. I’m perfectly content right now and willing to go with the flow. If something comes up and I decide I really want to do it, then I can do it, or not. It’s fun to read the lists though. I found several of them. Some of the things on the lists I’ve done like drive a convertible with the top down and music blaring. (My dad actually bought a convertible when I was a teenager, and let me drive it. Thinking back now I didn’t appreciate how amazing that was back in the day.) I’ve also given a speech in public (*shudder*), sat on a jury, seen a lunar eclipse, participated in a protest, been interviewed on TV and spent a whole day eating junk food without feeling guilty. I’ve witnessed the birth of a baby, gone up in a hot-air balloon, and been (am) debt free. There are some others, too, including showering in a waterfall. I remember some girls at camp getting leeches from doing that though. Oh, I’ve also made a complete and utter fool of myself more than once. Of course some things on the lists I truly don’t care to do like spend New Years Eve in Times Square. I don’t care to touch a tiger, ride a camel in the desert, queue for something for at least 24 hours, take a ride on the highest roller coaster in the country or fart in a crowded place. (that’s really on a list) All these things came from just two of the lists I found. I think I’ll go back later and read some more. It is interesting to see what different people have done or want to do in their lifetime. I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer. ~Jim Carrey |
| If at first you don’t succeed… I didn’t do very well with my blogging every day last week so I guess I’ll try again and see where I end up next Sunday. Today I guess I’m going to just write whatever comes into my head and see what happens. I actually have a couple of ideas for some real entries later in the week, but they take a little bit of research. Anyway, here goes. It’s kind of exciting around here since Butler is in the Final Four and they’ll be playing here in Indy. It might have been more exciting if Purdue won, too, but I’m happy for Butler. They’re a good school, not that big or well known for sports. We’re not going to the game, but sometime this week we’re going downtown to the Imax and see the 3-D film on the Hubble Telescope. I’ve never been to the Imax and I think the pictures from the Hubble should be amazing. My daughter had that awful virus that’s going around. When I talked to her on the phone she had a really deep husky voice. Jack started sounding like that last night and I thought sure he was going to be sick today. I hate for him to get that on top of the cough and wheezing that he deals with all the time anyhow. But he was feeling pretty good this morning so maybe he’ll escape that. I’m also afraid if he gets it that I will, too. I really don’t want to get sick since I’m counting on traveling to a mini-family reunion mid April. It may be the last chance I’ll ever get to see my favorite aunt, my dad’s only sister. She’s not doing real well and had to move into an assisted living apartment. My grandmother had Alzheimer’s and my aunt is showing signs of it. So… I’m keeping my fingers crossed that everyone stays healthy and we get to meet. We’ve been watching an old PBS series To Serve Them All My Days. We watched it a few years ago and really enjoyed it, but it’s been long enough ago to have forgotten a lot of it. It’s set in a boys’ academy in England beginning during World War I. That’s enough rambling for now. Hope everyone is having a good weekend. I’ll be back later to read your blogs. |
| Dang me… Dang me They oughtta take a rope and hang me Hang me from the highest tree Woman would you weep for me? That stupid old Roger Miller song has been running though my head since last night when I remembered – at midnight – that I hadn’t made a blog entry. There goes my roll. Three for three is fine except when you’re aiming for seven in seven. Oh, well! Maybe if I had written an entry first thing today I could get that dang song out of my head. I doubt it, though. Of course I’ll never know since I didn’t do it. But at least I’m here now, although I’m not sure what I’m going to say….okay here goes nothing. The other day Douger was blogging about his happy place which is in Hawaii. We all need a happy place but that’s not what I’m thinking about. I’m thinking of Hawaii where I’ve never been. My parents won a trip to Hawaii when I was a kid. They owned a small business in our small hometown, Mayfield TV and Appliance, and sometimes the companies offered trips for selling so many of their products. They also won a trip to Ireland one year. I have pictures of them kissing the Blarney Stone, which looks very awkward. The year they went to Hawaii they brought me a grass skirt and one of those skimpy tops. I wore it (with a coat over it) to go trick-or-treating for Unicef with my church youth group. Of course that prompted David Quick to say “Do a hula dance, Mayfield” to me five hundred times that night and every time he saw me after that. He’d probably still say it today if I ever saw him again. I need to get busy and go through those boxes of old pictures I’ve been intending to sort and scan. I don’t know if there are any of me wearing that grass skirt in there, but you never know. Anyway, maybe I can get some ideas for something to write about and shake off some of this inertia. It’s raining again so I need lots of help. Listen to the rhythm of the falling rain Telling me just what a fool I’ve been Okay, now I have another silly song in my head. I think it’s an improvement, though. |
| Reading takes solitude and it takes focus. Augusten Burroughs Okay, the sun is shining today and I feel a lot better. Although, since my brain is still in overdrive, I think that this is going to be a truly off-the-track entry. Here goes. The other night I watched the movie Running with Scissors based on the memoir of Augusten Burroughs. I read his book and wasn’t sure how the young man’s really bizarre childhood was going to translate to the screen. It was pretty good actually. The parts that made me squirm in the book made me squirm in the movie, too, but there was also a lot that I’d forgotten. I think Augusten should be commended for coming out of that situation sane. Has anyone seen that movie Shutter Island yet? I haven’t seen it but I already know the secret because I read the book. I thought it was a great book so I want to see the movie…someday. We got a new vacuum cleaner yesterday. Ours is getting old and does more spitting dust than sucking it up. We really needed one with low emissions because Jack has terrible allergies and beginning emphysema. He doesn’t need a vacuum cleaner to cause coughing fits. Anyway, he and his brother picked it out and decided that we’re going to share it. At first I wasn’t thrilled with the idea; it sounds inconvenient to my lazy self. But “first thought” isn’t always the best thought. Actually it makes sense for now. Jack and his brother both own the house my brother-in-law lives in. He’s a bachelor and decided after their dad died that he should fire the cleaning lady. Well… So, Jack is out there at least once a week anyway, and last time I helped clean and ran their ancient heavy sweeper my back screamed for days. I’ve been cleaning the bedroom here today and the new machine works well and it’s pretty easy to handle. We just need to order an upholstery attachment soon. Last night I started reading a novel titled Slammerkin. It’s set in the 1750s around the time when England (and the American colonies) finally followed the rest of Europe and switched to the Gregorian calendar. People were rioting, demanding their 11 days back! You think Day Light Savings Time causes confusion. This entry was interrupted because of somebody yelling outside. Bellowing actually! At first it was irritating and then it got scary. Especially when the general roar became a wild “f*ck you!” shouted over and over (the guy obviously has a very small vocabulary) punctuated with bangs like someone kicking the dumpster or something. We couldn’t tell where it was coming from so Jack and I walked outside where our neighbors were on their balconies looking across the courtyard. We never saw a person but finally figured out which apartment it was when the blinds started swinging. It’s really quiet now, so either the cops showed up or the goof ball passed out from yelling. I’m glad it wasn’t any more exciting than that, but it makes me appreciate how quiet it usually is around here. Now I’m really distracted so I’m just going to get something to eat. This is entry three! Am I on a roll or what?! |
| “Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.” Bill Watterson Well, here it is the second day of my “blog for a week” goal and I’ve already considered not writing. I am going to write something, though, just to save myself from the embarrassment of going back on my word. I put the goal down in writing after all. It should last longer than a day! It’s just that I’m not in a very good mood at all today. I don’t get a bad mood that often anymore. I used to. I used to be in a bad mood a lot, but I think that had as much to do with my ex-husband as it had to do with anything else. Luckily I’m not dealing with him anymore. There’s gratitude for you. But anyway, I’m in a bad mood today for no reason I can put my finger on. It’s rainy and chilly, but I didn’t have to be out in it so that’s not really a good excuse. I made the mistake of paying attention to the news. That can do it. I’m really upset that actual elected representatives in Congress can encourage and excuse people that call other elected representatives (or anyone) n*gger and f*ggot (and be close enough to spit on them!) I’m appalled at the ignorance and misinformation (lies) out there and the people who keep fueling the fire like they’re actually eager to incite some violence and then step back and pretend they’ve done nothing. I saw a video of the dueling healthcare rallies where a man who had Parkinson’s was sitting on the ground just quietly holding a sign supporting reform and some jackass was screaming in his face. Another jackass came up and threw dollar bills at him. The hatefulness is really getting on my nerves. And it’s really a distraction from all the real problems in the country – why go friggin’ backwards in time to the George Wallace days anyhow? I guess I better back off watching or reading or listening for while. It’s hard to do though. I’ve been kind of a political junkie for years. Now it’s just too tiring. Of course I don’t exactly feel like being super nice myself today. Since my sister died in October I’ve been helping my nephews handle some of the paperwork, dealing with the mail, sending out obits and/or death certificates. One nephew has been in the Middle East and the other is a long distance trucker who is rarely home. Today I got yet another letter from a clinic addressed to my sister saying something about not hearing from her in over 120 days. My first impulse was to write them back asking how many times and ways do I need to tell them that she’s dead and she won’t be making any more appointments! And since she didn’t have two nickels to rub together they won’t be getting another cent above what the insurance already paid them!! I may write that note yet, or I may just take the letter and tear it up and stomp on it. So…anyway, I’ve now written a rambling, if grumpy, entry today. That’s two down and five to go. “The heart loves, but moods have no loyalty. Moods should be heard but never danced to” Hugh Prather |
| So many fail because they don't get started - they don't go. They don't overcome inertia. They don't begin. -- W. Clement Stone Last Sunday (or the Sunday before) Writing.com put a suggestion up on Facebook to make a small writing goal and then see where you are next Sunday. I didn’t do it then, but today I’m doing it. My small goal is to write a blog entry every day this week. Most likely the entries will be stream of consciousness entries since I do suffer the inertia that W. Clement Stone talks about. If I do stream of consciousness I can’t really use the excuse that I don’t have a topic. So today is a sample of my entries for the week. . . . Uh . . . Okay . . . Here I go. It’s officially spring now. It’s not exactly a beautiful day here right now -- it’s chilly and overcast -- but there are signs that winter is coming to an end. I saw a robin yesterday. Of course that doesn’t really mean much because all the robins don’t leave anymore and sometimes I see one puffed up and pissed off-looking in the middle of a blustery snowy day. But I also see a few green buds popping up in the “garden” on the patio. I say “garden” in quotes because it’s actually just a strip of ground not really fit to grow anything much except what the birds plant when they drop the seeds we feed them. I’m surprised we don’t get peanuts out there since the squirrels bury so many of them. I think it’s probably because the soil just isn’t very good, shallow and rocky. My neighbor is artistic and she fixes up her patio so it looks really nice. It makes ours look even more ragtag by comparison. She sets pots on top of the ground and she’s collected big rocks and railroad ties, even part of an old fence that the maintenance guys tore down. There’s no way she could have carried any of that stuff herself so I’d say she’s cajoled (or threatened) the staff around here to help her. She’s one of those very squeaky wheels; you probably know the kind. But at least her patio looks great. She loves to sit out there in the heat of the summer and yell over the fence at anyone who makes any noise. The kids around here are either scared of her or hate her guts – or both. We rarely have any problems with the kids who live here, but last year somebody kept throwing a big rock at our door. It turned out to be a boy who thought he was throwing it at her door. Jack finally caught him in the act and chased him down, warning that he would have to tell the apartment owners. It stopped after that. I love our apartment, though. The complex is owned and operated by a Jewish family, Big Al and his son Mel. We understand that years ago Big Al served some jail time for racqueteering. He’s not that big really, but he’s definitely gruff, sitting in the office and yelling on the phone a lot. Mel works around here all the time. He uses his Lexus as work truck, pulling into the complex and opening the trunk where all kinds of tools are stored. He makes the maintenance guys wash it regularly, though. Okay, that’s enough for today. I think this stream of consciousness thing could possible work for my goal. But of course the jury is still out. |
| For the past few years several people from my former high school have gone on a cruise together. A cousin who has been on all of them has told me about them and sent me information the last couple of years just in case I’d want to go. She’s not pushy about it; she just wants me to know that they have a good time and that I’m always welcome to go. Lately I’ve reconnected through Facebook with one of my former classmates, Janet, a friend I haven’t seen for nearly forty years. I’ve enjoyed chatting with her and learning little bits about her life. She sent me class reunion pictures from a couple years ago that I'd never seen and it was a lot of fun going though them. (I didn’t attend the reunion.) She had to help me identify a lot of people, including one of my best high school friends who I actually did see a few years ago. (She never used to be blonde.) Anyway, Janet has gone on the cruises and says they are “a blast.” A few weeks ago she found out that plans are underway for an eight-day cruise to Panama in February 2011 and she asked me if I would at least consider going. Since it’s a year away I said yes I would consider it, but I had my doubts. She pooh-poohed any possible reasons I might not be able to go and has made it her mission to talk me into it. The chat window pops up almost daily with some little reminder to THINK CRUISE. I’ve gotten so I just thank her for the reminder and add a smiley face since even a hint of me not going can cause her to pressure even harder. Privately I considered it briefly while leaning towards not going for several reasons. I’m a terrible traveler and a real homebody; eight days is a long time for me to be on a cruise ship, especially with people I haven’t seen for so many years; Jack has no desire to go with me on a cruise, especially a tropical one; and money - although the basic cruise price is reasonable, there are many other expenses to be considered. But still, I hadn’t ruled it out completely yet until today. Today made my decision for me, or at least made it much easier whenI got a letter from my health insurance company. You may have heard that Anthem/Wellpoint is hiking its rates on individual policies in eleven states, and of course they’re getting away with it. California is the largest hike I’ve heard about, up to 40%. Here in Indiana they planned 21%. Blue Cross/Anthem/Wellpoint is the company my former employer had andI’ve had an individual policy with them for eleven years with hardly a claim. Blue Cross was nonprofit and pretty good coverage, but once they went public they, of course, became focused on profit. Each year my premiums have jumped, so much so that I had to go to a $5000 deductible with limited prescription coverage. The letter I got today informed me that my yearly premium will jump $1000. I’m upset but not surprised, and I don’t have a lot of choice. Wellpoint headquarters are here in Indianapolis and they dominate the market. It’s also worth noting that the wife of our Senator Evan Bayh sits on their board and rakes in a tidy sum. That’s only one of the health industry boards she sits on, although now that Evan is leaving Congress she may not be so much in demand. That’s a whole new topic and since I feel my blood pressure rising just thinking about it, I better stop now. After all, I have lousy health insurance. |
| My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm Happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right? Peanuts Snoopy To do nothing is sometimes a good remedy. Hippocrates Good grief! It’s been ten days since I’ve posted a blog entry and even longer since I’ve written one. Since I have no ideas I guess I’ll let this be a free writing entry. At least that way I can get something down on paper and break my no writing streak. Not much is going on in my life right now. I’m not knocking it. I’ve had enough chaotic times to know that this is a good thing, at least for me. I had sciatica for a couple of weeks, but the pain is pretty well gone now. It seems like once I accepted that it was going to hang around for awhile it decided to begin fading away. I still can’t walk very fast or my leg and back tighten up, but that’s okay since I’m not really a speed demon anyway. And I can’t stand for a long time, so that gives me an excuse to sit on my butt and play FB games. Last week we went out for lunch at India Garden with Jack’s son and our daughter-in-law. It was snowing pretty heavy that day so we took a nap when we got home. I think I’ve mentioned before how that food tends to knock me out. I’ve actually been enjoying the snow, but I haven’t had to be outside in it very much. It looks really pretty from in here though. This has been a pretty wintry February for a change. (Please do NOT say “So much for global warming!”) I’ve added a few pretty good novels to my reading list for 2010, and I got a gift certificate for Half Price Books for my birthday. I’ve watched a lot of movies – some good, some not so good. I watched Crash again, which I really liked. I watched Murder by Number(?) with Sandra Bullock one night when I couldn’t sleep. It was pretty good. And Birth with Nicole Kidman, which I somehow thought would be a little spooky. It was terrible! I did sleep some through that one, but I’m not going back to see what I missed. Jack and I watched Timeline, a movie based on a Michael Creighton book. It was okay, but predictable in places. We saw Wes Craven’s Red Eye which was actually kind of exciting. And we watched 21 Grams. Very artsy. Reminded me of a home movie spliced together in no particular order. The characters were all tragic, but not especially likeable. Depressing. I won’t be watching that one again. But Jack ordered 31 old movies from the 30s and 40s so I think there will be plenty to watch. This place is a mess because I’ve started some cleaning and purging projects then just set them aside. It’s amazing how quickly the enthusiasm for those things vanishes. I have a box of papers, a recycling bag and a trash bag all sitting right by me and I’m getting used to looking at them. I suppose we should invite somebody over so I’ll get busy and clean this stuff up. If we did, though, I’d probably just stick everything in the junk room…errr…office, and shut the door. It’s not really an office anymore since Jack’s started building his model planes in there. Okay, this is probably random enough. It’s certainly humdrum enough. I ride tandem with a random Things don't run the way I planned them In the humdrum |
| Rather then write a whole new entry on this recurring theme of mine, I thought I’d re-run a (very barely edited) blog entry from April 30, 2008. This will let me put off doing any real writing for at least another day. Douglas Adams: I love deadlines. Especially the whooshing sound they make as they pass by. Mary Todd Lincoln: My evil genius Procrastination has whispered me to tarry 'til a more convenient season. Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment. ~Robert Benchley Look up the word "procrastinate" in the Thesaurus, and you'll find: put off, delay, postpone, adjourn, dally, drag your feet, hang fire, defer, dawdle. I've always had a tendency to put some things off. I think it's a genetic trait I got from my dad. At least my mom complained a lot about how he procrastinated. Of course, she was always the kind of person who sent birthday cards two weeks early. But I got the impression that it was some kind of flaw, probably a laziness gene that I contracted. Anyway, as I sit here contemplating the huge variety of tasks I'm avoiding I thought I'd just explore this tendency I have to drag my feet. I know Wikipedia isn't the ultimate authority, but it's a good place to do some quick research. After all, I have to start somewhere or I will never get this written. So, according to Wikipedia: the word procrastination comes from the Latin word procrastinatus: pro- (forward) and crastinus (of tomorrow). The term's first known appearance was in Edward Hall's Chronicle...first published sometime before 1548. The sermon reflected procrastination's connection at the time to task avoidance or delay, volition or will, and sin. "Task avoidance" and "sin" were highlighted and linked. I will dispense of the "sin" connection immediately. Right or wrong, I refuse to connect dawdling with religious guilt. (Personally I don't connect anything in my life with religious guilt anymore but that's a whole other topic.) Anyway, I decided to focus on the "task avoidance" link which turned out to be a page on time management beginning with a quote from author David Allen: You can't manage time, it just is. So "time management" is a mislabeled problem, which has little chance of being an effective approach. What you really manage is your activity during time, and defining outcomes and physical actions required is the core process required to manage what you do. This reminds me of something that I read yesterday about how Americans are obsessed with time. The average American has to reset seven clocks -- not counting wrist watches -- when Daylight Savings Time occurs. People often feel naked or half-dressed without their watches. The article went on to talk about how when we put real or imaginary time constraints on ourselves we create a lot of anxiety in our lives. She ended with a meditation: "I know there's nothing more peaceful than a mind that isn't regulated or restricted. I'll stop timing myself and start enjoying myself." I've found that sometimes when I feel like I'm dallying, I'm actually working through some things. It's part of my process, especially with writing, where I'm forming ideas and don't even realize it. Still, even though I don't equate delay with sin, I certainly do have trouble not piling some guilty feelings on myself about it. Maybe that's because procrastinators are thought to have a higher-than-normal level of conscientiousness, more based on the "dreams and wishes" of perfection or achievement in contrast to a realistic appreciation of their obligations and potential. Hmm. One thing I found in my quick research worries me just a bit: severe procrastination can cross over into internet addiction or computer addiction. (Oh, surely not) I'll leave you with this: Unknown The Procrastinator's Creed: 1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already. 2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses. 3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration. 4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them. 5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations. 6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given. 7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesimally small, is not exactly zero. 8. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year. 9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind. 10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it. 11. I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task. 12. I know that the work cycle is not plan/start/finish, but is wait/plan/plan. 13. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever. 14. I will become a member of the ancient Order of Two-Headed Turtles (the Procrastinator's Society) if they ever get it organized. |
| When I was a child people simply looked about them and were moderately happy; today they peer beyond the seven seas, bury themselves waist deep in tidings, and by and large what they see and hear makes them unutterably sad. E. B. White So many gods, so many creeds, so many paths that wind and wind while just the art of being kind is all the sad world needs. Ella Wheeler Wilcox I’m having one of those days. Actually it started yesterday evening when I was watching the network news. It’s not what you think. This was a story on America’s Heroes or whatever CBS calls their “good news” segment at the end. I was watching this heartwarming story about a little old man (in Denver, I think) who volunteers his time at the VA and has done it for years. When I saw him standing there asking, “Does anyone need their glasses fixed or adjusted?” tears sprang to my eyes. Then he told someone he had helped, “I need paid now. I don’t do this for free. I need a handshake and a smile.” Pretty soon I was sobbing! I could cry right now just thinking about it. What the hell is the matter with me? Truthfully I think there are a lot of things working on me right now. But this story of the selfless little man who sees a need and quietly fills it is such a stark contrast to the selfish, greed driven people who seem to think, “I’ve got mine and the hell with you. I want more.” I know when there’s a catastrophe we see lots of people jump in and want to help (for awhile anyway). I know there are people doing kind things that we never hear about. But in the back of my mind there’s a nagging despair of the mean spirited sociopathic world that we’ve become. Maybe I’m over dramatizing. I hope I am. Another reason I feel so teary could be all my tripping down memory lane. It’s not that I necessarily want to hang out there, but the Universe seems to be telling me that’s where I belong right now. Last night I read a discussion from a couple weeks ago on my high school Facebook page. It’s a small town and most of us are now scattered across the country. Some women from my class were talking about how times were different back then (the 60s) and how our kids and grandkids didn’t have the same kind of simple pleasures. It’s amazing how differently we can remember things, though. One of the rare black women in our school said she couldn’t date any of the black guys in town because she was afraid she was related to them. One of my best friends then said that our town was colorblind back then. It made me wonder where she was living since my experience was so different from that. She did rephrase it later saying at least she and her family were colorblind. Everyone seemed to agree, though, that the world is really f-ed up right now and they’re worried about their grandkids. I am glad I happened onto that thread, though. One friend I hadn’t talked to in years was on there. She has an amazing memory and brought up some really detailed times. I sent her an email so we can be sure to “friend” each other. So, instead of having a blue blogging month, I’m just having a blue spell. Maybe it’s because this is my birthday month or because it’s winter or…I guess it doesn’t really matter why. It will pass. It always does. For me, singing sad songs often has a way of healing a situation. It gets the hurt out in the open into the light, out of the darkness. Reba McEntire |
| Love is the poetry of the senses. ~HonorĂ© de Balzac Last night Jack brought me a treat from the grocery store. He loves to do the shopping, and says it satisfies the hunter gatherer in him. Of course, I am more than happy to let him do it. Anyway, the treat he brought me wasn’t anything to eat; it was a bar of lavender soap. I love lavender. When we were in Seattle a couple years ago we found lavender scented Ivory Soap in the grocery store. We can’t find it anywhere around here, although I’ve certainly tried. In December I brought a few bars home in my suitcase after my visit with my daughter. What Jack brought me, though, was a fancier, pricier bar of lavender soap. I haven’t been feeling well lately-- I’ve had a general flu like achiness for days. It doesn’t get worse, but it hasn’t gotten any better either, so he thought I needed something special. Lavender is supposed to be a scent that relaxes you when you’re tense and invigorates you when you’re weary. I don’t know how it knows which you need, but apparently it does. Aromatherapy sounds kind of new-agey, I know, but odors and scents are important. As a child growing up in a small town, I loved the sweet and tantalizing aromas of our Paris Bakery and Ada Lee’s Candy Shop. The buttery popcorn smell of the lobby of the Avalon Theatre was always exciting and reminds yet today of Saturday matinees. And although it struck a bit of fear in me at times, the sharp scent of rubbing alcohol still evokes some nostalgia for Doctor Tom’s office. I hate ironing, but the smell of freshly pressed laundry brings a vision of my grandmother, the steam iron hissing, as she stands at the ironing board set up in her dining room. Coffee brewing in the morning is one of my favorite homey aromas. (Jack grinds and brews the coffee, too.) And although I’d kill him if he tried smoking again, the smell of pipe tobacco reminds me of when Jack and I first met. Of course scents can evoke bad things, too, but I don’t want to think about those right now. Instead I just want to focus on my lovely lavender soap and the thoughtfulness of my hunter gatherer. Ah! a blessing beyond all fate My sole mate 'tis my soul mate. ~Pixie Foudre |
| My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too. -- Peter De Vries On cable TV they have a weather channel - 24 hours of weather. We had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window. -- Dan Spencer Well, I batted a thousand with my favorite TV shows last week, which means I didn’t see any of them. Thursday night I went to bed early, completely forgetting that The Mentalist was on. Friday night was the telethon for Haiti and Sunday the football games messed up the regular schedule. In the words of Bart Simpson, “Why does everything happen to me?” Most of the time I like to read better than I like to watch TV anyway. Years ago I read a book titled Amusing Ourselves to Death. The author, Neil Postman, said that Orwell was a little off base when he warned that Big Brother was watching. Instead, he said, we are watching Big Brother and he turned out to be Howdy Doody. So you see, we’ve been worried about the wrong thing. (Although our Senator Lugar does look a little like Howdy.) My daughter accuses me of reading sad books, and so far this year I seem to be attracted to the kind she was talking about. I just finished a novel by Mary McGarry Morris titled A Hole in the Universe. If you’ve ever read any of Morris’s work, like Songs in Ordinary Time you’ll know she writes about some sad, down and out characters. And this book was no exception. Since both this book and the one I read before it were serious, I tried to read something lighter. I picked up one by Helen Fielding who has made me laugh before, but it didn’t hold my attention. Now I’m engrossed in a book called The Vanishing Act of Esme Lennox by Maggie O’Farrell. I knew from reading the cover it was a sad story about “family malice, longing and betrayal.” Still, I couldn’t resist it. I have to read what I’m in the mood for or it just doesn’t work for me. And if I can’t stay with a book, I’ll never reach my goal of 50 novels for 2010. I’m not worried. Someday I’ll tire of these and go onto something else for awhile. I read an article by Jane Isay with Writer and Editor I can really relate to. She begins, “The news is on my nerves. I’m feeling sad for the world and sad for my country.” Learning more than she knows about the suffering in Haiti only increases her anxiety level. Like so many of us, she believes a good read is the best therapy for “anxiety, depression or a head cold.” And as upset as she is with politics, she still prescribes the book Wolf Hall about Thomas Cromwell and Henry VIII. It’s as full of politics and religion and human foibles as our media, she says, but she can hardly put it down. She ends with: “So when you're up to here with bad news, and when you care too much and feel so helpless, a finely wrought novel may be the answer. Wolf Hall beats Wolf Blitzer for my money, at least this month.” I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What the hell good would that do? -- Ronnie Shakes |
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