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 |   My 2nd blog. My spot for sharing my life, music, and writing with my friends. |
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Hello, Hello. Fancy seeing you here. I'll work on making this nice and pretty later. *  I also have a poetry blog, for those who dig poetry:
AND I have a mental health group with a monthly challenge:
[Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Lay my hands on Heaven and the sun and the moon and the stars While the devil wants to fuck me in the back of his car ♡ * I will never make this pretty. |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** After a certain age, the only things that bring a family together are funerals and weddings. This explains why you haven't seen your aunt and her hoard of kids in the last 6 years. When Grandma was alive, they ignored her phone calls for months, but they're here now in all their white trash glory. The oldest one still living at home, Breanna, is a senior in high school and the only thing you know about her at this point is that her ringtone is a song called "Cups" and her phone rings- a lot. The last time you saw her, she was an 11 year old kid with no distinguishable personality traits. Now she has the personality of a hurricane. You're driving her and a couple of the younger kids to the store for funeral clothes because all they have is flip-flops and oversized t-shirts. "You know I graduate in December? I'm graduating early," she takes a copious amount of selfies, complete with duck face. "Oh, graduating early? That's nice, man. Congrats." "Thanks. I'm supposed to be off probation then too, I think." "Why are you on probation?" She looks at you as if you're crazy. "Because I got in that fight, remember?" Apparently she thinks you actually communicate these sorts of things with the family. You don't. "Oh, right... the fight." You turn the music up a little louder, and it's interrupted almost immediately by that insufferable ringtone. She hits the 'ignore' button again. "Crazy ex," she laughs, in way of explanation. "Yeah, man. Exes are always crazy." "If they weren't, they wouldn't be exes," she agrees. Two of the kids in the back start fighting over something and screaming. Breanna turns around and snaps at them to cut it out, which they do immediately. Authoritative. There's a long lull in conversation all around. It would be cool if you could think of something to say, but you can't, and you're too upset to even attempt. "Your parents are so sweet," Breanna gushes, typing away on her phone. "They are?" This is surprising news. "How so?" "Well, you know how things are with Aunt Terri and all that." You think back to summer nights at their house that reeked of cat urine, stale cigarettes and vodka. Think of front yard fistfights and broken windows. "Yeah, I know it's not been the best... living environment." "It's really not," she agrees. "Anyway, your parents invited me to move in with them in December when I graduate." You turn to her for the first time, taking your eyes off the road. "What? Really?" She looks up from her phone. "Huh? Oh, yeah! Isn't that so sweet? Auntie Mary is going to help me get a job where she works and try to help me get a car." You look back at the road. "Didn't she tell you that?" "Oh, no. Um, that's good though. You know, get of your house and all that..." Your voice trails off. You can feel her eyes bore into you, but you stare straight through the windshield instead of looking at her. She clears her throat, "Um, is that weird for you?" "Is what weird for me?" "Grandpa said it might be weird for you." "Dude, it's not weird for me. Why would Grandpa say that it would be weird for me?" She goes back to texting. "Um, hang on a sec..." Your jaw clenches as you speed up a little. "Breanna..." "What? Oh, um, yeah. He said something, like it would be weird because your parents didn't let you live with them. You know, like, you didn't live with them during high school, right?" You shake your head, then reconsider. "Well, a little. I left high school though, you know that." "Yeah, but you're in college now!" she says brightly. "Anyway, I just don't want it to be weird for you. Like, they like me more than you or something because they kicked you out and everything. It's not like that, you know. It's just gotten really bad with my Mom lately, so..." "No, right, I totally get it." You try to think of something else to add. "I think that'll be really good... uh, good for you." "Okay, so you're not mad?" she checks again. "No way, man. I'm happy for-" Her phone rings again. She hits the ignore button and starts talking to her sister in the back about her crazy, stalker ex while you white knuckle the rest of the drive. When I'm gone, when I'm gone You're gonna miss me when I'm gone You're gonna miss me by my hair You're gonna miss me everywhere, oh You're gonna miss me when I'm gone |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Prompt: Fun Fact Friday: "Scandal intrigues us". Is this the case for you too? What recent scandal caught your attention and why? I think scandal intrigues me slightly less than the average person. I know from blogging that people like 'scandalous' things. They like grittiness and that sort of thing. I guess I do too, but I have a lot of restrictions on the grittiness that I like. I don't like things that are scandalous for the sake of being scandalous. I really think that you should write what you know. If you haven't experienced certain things, you really shouldn't write about them. A lot of people might disagree with me, but as someone who has experienced certain things, it makes me cringe when I see people writing about them and it's so blatantly obvious that they've never even come close to experiencing it. "And then they smoke three whole marijuana joints!"  We were just talking about it the other day, but erotica writers fall into the trap so often. They're writing about things they've never done and it's painfully obvious to those who have done them. I just want to tell the writer, "That actually doesn't work that way... Like, anatomically."  The scandal that I get into the most is the presidential elections- and yes, they're a total scandal. I'm absolutely convinced that the current election is rigged and if the person who I think is 'supposed' to win doesn't win, I'll eat my shoe. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Time is a funny thing, how it slips through your fingers before you have a chance to make a fist. After wasting so much of it, you become paranoid that everything you do is a waste of it. Who should you give your time to? Who's worth it, who's not... But even more important than "who's worthy of your time" is the question, "whose time are you worth?" There's nothing like accidentally wasting two years of someone else's time because you can't get your shit together. Excuses are easy, rolling off your tongue like you're paid to say them, but even you can't bullshit yourself sometimes. Jordan, though, is different. It doesn't matter that who's a waste of time. You could both be a waste of each other's time for all you know. The only time wasted is the time you spend away from him, wishing you were together. Weeks, even months, go by like this. Wondering where the fuck this void came from, why does it feel like there's a hole in your chest? It's easy enough to blame everyone around you. "Well, they don't care enough to notice." The hunger for attention, for something to feel the gaps in between, it becomes something to daydream about in class, something to distract and take away from everything else. Instead of finding a way around the truth, it's best to jump in head first, to drown in the instability. It's best to Sid and Nancy your way through life, no matter what anyone else tells you. Life isn't about walking tightropes and playing safe- not your life anyway. Life is about us drowning in the instability. P.S. I love you, J (if you read this) Close my eyes Let the whole thing pass me by There is no time To waste asking why |
Just Soundtrackers today because I have to run to class after this. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "You should eat your food." You're sat across from Noah at a folding card table in Danny's house. They finally replaced the broken dining room table. "I don't want to." "You're mad," Noah states plainly. "I'm not." You're actually so pissed off you have to clasp your hands together under the table because they're shaking so violently. "My grandmother made this soup for us." You laugh. "I don't give a fuck." Noah sighs loudly. "I haven't seen you in a long time, man. I thought you'd be over this shit by now." You're not. "But you're not," he continues. The silence hangs heavy over the table. "I didn't know you were with her." "Yeah, you did." "I thought you were with Adam." You look up at the sound of his name. "What? I was never with Adam." Noah rolls his eyes, dramatically. "Okay, sure you weren't." "I wasn't." "You were living with him." Your legs bounce up and down under the table. "So what? Just because you're living with someone doesn't mean you're with them. Are you with Danny?" "That's not the same and you know it." Things like this shouldn't be so complicated, mostly because they shouldn't happen in the first place. Bro code would tell you differently, but there was a mix in signals somewhere between the time you introduced Emmy to Noah and the few hours later when they slept together. A lot can happen in a few hours. These things happen. "If I had known you didn't want me to, I wouldn't have. You have to call dibs on that shit." You scoff. "I don't have to call dibs. She was mine first." "No one is yours, Charlie. She can do what she wants. You don't own her." "I didn't mean it like that." You really didn't. You look out the window as he eats his soup in silence. You could go for a smoke, but you don't want to leave the table without resolving this. Attempts in the past have been less than satisfactory. The funny thing is, you aren't even mad about Emmy anymore. It's all the principle of the matter now. "Alright, so, what happens now?" Noah asks, finally. "You tell me." "What do you want me to do, man? I won't do it again. Promise." "You don't get it. It doesn't matter if you do it again or don't- you already have." He throws his napkin into his half-eaten bowl of soup and you watch it soak up in disgust. "This isn't the first time we've stepped on each other's toes, you know. I've always gotten over it." You have no idea what he's talking about. "I've never even done something like that. I've always checked with you." He knows it's true, so he doesn't say anything. Instead, he leans across the table and taps his hand in front of you with each word. "I swear, Charlie, I wouldn't have done it if I had known it would bother you. I'm sorry." You don't respond. It's not good enough somehow. You're not really sure what you want, but you're sure you'll know when it happens. Noah sighs and leans back. "Can we just get smoked out like old times? Can we just chill the fuck out?" "Yeah, man, of course." The conversation is curbed for the time being, but it's obvious that the apology hasn't been accepted. You can only push someone so far for so long before you have to ease off a little bit. Making someone pay piece by piece, that's called retribution. And maybe you been through this before But it's my first time So please ignore The next few lines cause they're directed at you |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Prompt: For some writers, how explicit should they be is a concern because of anxiety, embarrassment even shame even with of all of our freedoms ,we are still creatures of our families, our history, and our culture. How do we stop this from zapping our creative energy? What advice do you have for your fellow writers based on your own experiences? I don't really experience this, so it's a bit difficult for me to answer this prompt. I think that we are who we are and if people don't accept us for who we are, then they can go read something else. As writers, we can't censor ourselves in a way that takes away from our writing. Of course, there are certain things I won't share. There are things I most likely won't ever write about, but that's because of limits I put on myself, not limits others impose on me. My only advice to people writing about their own experience is that you should never be ashamed of your story, and if anyone makes you feel ashamed of who you are, drop them like the judgmental dick they are. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** There was a time when all a kid had to do to simultaneously piss off and scare every adult around him was listen to Marilyn Manson. Three years earlier, they made a huge deal in youth group about NOT listening to Marilyn Manson. You were 9 at the time and had no idea who Marilyn Manson was, so naturally, the first thing you did when you got home was find out. Three years later, you're sitting on the couch with a Manson video playing when your older brother, Mikey, walks in. He sits down on the opposite end of the couch and watches for a second before blurting out, "Dude, that chick's hot." "Marilyn Manson?" "Is that her name?" He stares at the screen with a jokingly dreamy gaze. "You should see the bassist." "You suppose it's the nipples that make boobs offensive?" You hadn't thought of this. "Well, clearly, they're not censored if they don't have nipples." He laughs. "Hey, you know what time Dad gets off work?" "Dunno, he'll probably be home in like 20 minutes. Why? You wanna see him?" "Nah, wanna make sure I'm gone before he gets home." Mikey looks around the living room as if seeing it for the first time. "How are things around here, by the way?" He went off to college, which must be nice. You shrug, still staring at the TV. "About like this." "You'll be out of here soon, man. It'll go faster than you think." You ignore him. "How's the apartment?" "Everything is covered in cockroaches. Someone stole my bike." "But-" "But it's better than living back here," he finishes before you can. There's a bit of silence and you start wondering why he stopped by for the half hour between you getting home from school and Dad getting home from work. Mikey reads your mind, naturally. "You know, Ma wanted me to stop in and check on you. She said you've been acting strange, but now that I'm here, I can see that's not true at all." He motions to the TV jokingly. You don't laugh. "How's therapy going?" He tries again. "Good. I have Ritalin, Fluoxetine, Lorazepam, Sonata, aaaand... Something else." "Jesus Christ..." Another huge lull in conversation and then Mikey stands up, paces in front of the television for a second and says, "Well, I better get going. I don't you know, want to be here." "Right." "Hey, look, I'll talk to Ma." "Why?" you ask, staring at him for the first time since he walked in. "You don't need to be taking all that shit, man. You're like a damn zombie." He grabs his keys off the coffee table. "I'll take care of it, alright? You okay?" "Yeah, man. I'm zombie-level good." We're all stars now in the dope show |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Prompt: Is it harder to wait around for something you know might never happen; or harder to give up when you know its everything you want.? Share an experience with us and what made you choose the direction you did and why? In my opinion, it's much harder to give up on something when it's everything you want. I won't wait around for very long for something that might not happen. It's really hard to give up on someone or something when all you want, all you can think about is that person or thing. It starts eating away at everything else you do in life because you know there's something you'd rather be doing. I guess that's true for both scenarios, but how are you going to wait around for ever consumed by something that hasn't happened? I can only really think of this in terms of giving up people. I don't give up things. There's no reason to give up things, unless they're bad for you or the people you care about, of course. But even then, it's easier to give up than a person. It's hard to give up a person compared to a thing because a person is complicated. They have feelings and thoughts and complexities above and beyond anything else. What I'm saying is, you can't just 'give up' a person. Most people won't be simply given up. They're always going to be there somewhere, whether they're contacting you or just imprinted in your memory, you can never truly give up a person. That's why it's harder, because it's impossible. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** It's a rare night when Jessie isn't so drunk she's either vomiting or passed out on the bathroom floor. Of all the trailer kids, Jessie is the one you know the least about because her modus operandi is drinking far too much, far too quickly. Noah mentioned that she'd had a rough time, but you have no idea what that means. A rough time compared to what? Compared to the rest of us or compared to her usual state of being? In a time before "You're not Emmy, but you'll do." "You're not Jordan, but you'll do..." there were people like Jessie. Good enough for the moment and nothing more. Tonight, Danny has dibs on Hannah, which is your natural go-to, but you can't step on his toes, not in his house anyway. When there's only one place to hang out, you have to be careful what you do. If Danny decides he doesn't like you, you'll be stuck going to church on a Friday night and hanging out in the parking lot where the youth leaders interrupt skateboarding for prayer time. The idea of hanging out with people your age makes you shudder. You're taking up one couch with Jessie's legs over yours as she lays back against the arm. You pass a joint back and forth and she talks about staying with her cousin because her parents kicked her out again. She talks about her creepy uncle who won't stop making sexual advances on her. "You should just stay here with Danny," you suggest, but Noah makes a throat slash gesture with his hand. Dude, bad suggestion. Stop. "But that probably wouldn't work, ya know, because his grandma." Jessie agrees. "Yeah, she's mainly only okay with Chelsea being here." "Well, that's because she's under the misconception that Chelsea isn't as big of a whore as you and Hannah." Jessie sits up and glares at you. "You better watch yourself. What's gotten into you?" "I was kidding." You weren't kidding. One time Danny's schizo grandma got back from the halfway house and completely lost her shit because Danny had girl's spending the night in her trailer. After a few minutes of listening to her scream, Danny interrupted and asked where her teeth were. Noah is seeing a senior from your school. She goes to your church too and volunteers at a nursing home. How she ended up with Noah is beyond you, but everything Noah manages to do is beyond you. He stands up and grabs her hand, leading her to the bedroom with the bunk beds. It's surprising how many girls are willing to fuck on a bunk bed. Left alone with just Jessie and Jimmy, you wish he'd take a hint and fuck off for a while, but instead he just keeps watching the Dudesons, which is basically a Finnish version of Jackass. You clear your throat. "There should be more bedrooms in here." Jimmy looks over. "What?" "I said, 'there should be more bedrooms in this house.'" "Oh... yeah, that'd be cool." He goes back to watching TV. You look at Jessie incredulously and she just laughs. She's not worried about Jimmy being there though, and in reality, he's only half there to begin with. Instead, she sit up and crawls over, stubbing out her cigarette in the ash tray on the table next to you. She straddles your lap and there's an all-too familiar smell of cigarette smoke mixed with vanilla perfume. She starts to kiss you, but stops abruptly. "I'm not a whore you know. Don't ever call me that again." Her face is two inches from yours. What can you say? "Okay." She leans back. "I'm really not, and that's extremely sexist of you, by the way." "How so?" "If I was a guy, you wouldn't call me a whore." You sigh. "I didn't call you a whore. I said that Danny's grandmother thinks you're a whore." "And you're not?" she snaps. "According to... Danny's grandma?" "According to anyone." "Uh, okay..." You have no idea how to respond. She slides off your lap and sits next to you. "You know, I really don't think you get it. There's such a double standard between guys and girls when it comes to sex. You can do whatever you want and you're just 'cool' but a girl does the same thing and she gets completely berated for it." "Holy shit, dude. Chill out. I was just messing around." She doesn't say anything. A long few minutes pass in complete silence before you try anything. "Hey, come here," you pull her arm and she relents. "Okay, but I'm serious, don't say anything like that again." "Yeah, I got it," you reply flatly. A similar conversation took place less than a month before. You want apologies? Girl, you might hold your breath until your breathing stops forever. The only thing you'll get is this curse on your lips; I hope they taste of me forever. |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Prompt: I love cooking and I will admit there have been some fiasco's. Knock my socks off with the best fiasco you've created, or been a witness too! I'd seriously starve if it weren't for Kira. I don't cook anything. I don't even use the oven or microwave things anymore because she prepares pretty much all my food. Honestly, she could probably easily poison me, if she were so inclined. I usually eat dinner and lunch now, but before I met Kira, I only ate once a day and it would be... not a meal. I would eat like, a piece of bread and a slice of cheese. Like, folded bread, not even two pieces of bread. And that would be all I would eat all day. When I left my parents house though, I drank every single day. I usually woke up early because I had work, but I worked across the street from my apartment, so I just walked there. I'd have a 20ounce bottle of Coke and I'd pour a third of it out and fill it back up with rum and take it to work with me. Then when I got home from work in the afternoon, I'd drink until I fell asleep, whenever that happened to be. I don't recommend it. I can barely even drink anymore because I drank so much that drinking makes me automatically nauseous now. The taste of it and smell of it make me sick immediately, which I guess is a good thing. I do go through periods where I drink every day for a couple weeks, but those are few and far between.The best cooking fiasco I've ever witnessed was during Thanksgiving one year. My ma made lemon pepper chicken and the recipe called for two tablespoons of lemon pepper, so Ma did that, but the she looked at it and thought it didn't like enough, so... she poured the ENTIRE bottle of lemon pepper in. After it was finished cooking, my poor sweet cousin was the first to try it. My cousin can't say a bad thing about anyone or anything. She's one of the sweetest people I've ever met. So, she tries the chicken first, and everyone's watching her like, "Ooh, how is it?" Her face got super red as she was chewing and her eyes were watering really bad, but she was like, "Oh, it's good!" Being the smartass I am, I was like, "It's so good that you're crying about it?"  I didn't try it, of course, because.. chicken. But apparently it was completely inedible, so all we had to eat for Thanksgiving was potatoes, vegetables, rolls, and dessert. I was like, "Welcome to vegetarianism, mofos!"  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** It's days like this when you miss him the most because he showed you things like how a five foot by seven foot bed can be a home and a broken arm just needs to be reset. If your world were reimagined, he would be the star you revolve around. When chasing the ghost of a good thing, there is no rule book. There's only a moment in time, a split-second reaction, and loud silence to follow. No matter how many times the phone rings, answering would be caving in. Answering would be validation. It's moments like these when principles override everything- when you're willing to punish yourself to punish him. Voicemails pour in and get deleted without listening. If you hear his voice, you'll waver. Even hearing his name in class in reference to someone completely different makes your hands shake, an electric current in your brain. He's attached himself to everything, a leech in your life, sucking the soul out of everything. Nothing exists without him stamped all over it. Every feeling you have, thought in your mind, every opinion or idea belongs to him in some way. You own nothing when someone owns you. Love like this is just a game of poker. If you fold too soon, too often, you've already given up. You might as well stop playing. Holding is a form of revenge. It's hard to imagine there was a time without him. There was a time without anyone. Words like individual come to mind. There was a time when you were a wounded animal, brought it and fixed up like charity work, a tax write off. There was a time when you begged. Never forget the people who make you beg, bring you to your knees. Let them haunt you like they're paid to do it. You'd never exorcise someone with such power of you. Instead, lay your head in their hand. Let them grip your jaw and stare into your character. Let them personify every thought you've ever had. If you're good enough, they might mold you in their likeness. Shaping yourself in the likeness of Christ is a childhood fairytale- being shaped in the likeness of him is absolute, infinite. Being ripped away from you, is like being ripped out of a womb. Oh, I'm sorry, is that too dramatic? I should just be far more placid. Well, blah blah, blah blah, me myself and I I'm so funny, oh my god, ha ha. |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Prompt: "Sex almost always disappoints me in novels. Everything can be said or done now, and that's what I find... a feeling of generality or dispersal. In my opinion, true sex is so particular or peculiar, that it is yearned for. I believe that is what makes the desire between two people so unique and specific." Elizabeth Benedict Do you agree or Disagree with Ms. Benedict? Do you write about sex in your own writing pieces? Does your own experience come to life on the page or do you find yourself following what others have done? Hmm, well, gotta be honest here. I'm not really sure what Elizabeth Benedict is trying to say. I've read the prompt like five times and I'm still not 'getting' her quote. True sex is particular and peculiar? What kind of sex has she been having? She's into some kinky shit. Hmm...Well, to answer the rest of the questions, I occasionally write about sex, but it's fairly rare. Usually when I do write about it, I'm alluding to it rather than just flat out talking about it. I don't write erotica and sex isn't a huge part of my fiction writing. Not that characters in my stories don't have sex, but it's not a focal point at all. I think that everything you write is going to have some aspect of your experience in it, whether you intend for it to or not. Mostly with sex in writing, it just makes me cringe because you have two categories 1) the person who you're like 90% sure is a virgin because the things they're describing aren't anatomically accurate or are completely unrealistic, or 2) the writer is obviously trying to be 'bad' and 'naughty' and 'taboo' which just makes it funny in a bad way. Like, oh, you so naughty, you put it in her butt.  Sex just isn't that big of a deal to me. I've been having sex for over a decade and I just turned 24, so the idea of sex being a big deal to anyone is just foreign to me. It... is what it is. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Music blares from a stereo too far to reach, but too near to hear conversation over. You're never still, even when you are. The room is always spinning. Some people panic at this stage, some stare at the ceiling for hours and spin with it. You are neither of these people, or both at the same time. Chelsea is talking about art school, either right next to you or across the room. Reach out to find her, but your fingers come up empty. "Everything is about perspective, Charlie." She talks about the classic fruit bowl on a table where everyone's drawings look different in the end. "Perspective." She talks about the naked models who came in and posed while they sketched them out of charcoal. She talks about flaccid penises and cold nipples. You ask if she laughed while she tried to draw them. "It's not funny." You ask how much they get paid and mention wanting to get into something like that. Chelsea tells you that would be child pornography and you ask if a drawing can ever be pornography of some sort. Her voice changes, nearer now, clearer. "Oh, trust me, it can be." Feel her hair fall across your face. "What do you do with an art school degree?" She laughs like a bell, and then not like a bell at all. "You can do anything. Travel. Draw the world." "What about money?" "Artists make money, Charlie. Just not as easily as, say, a doctor would." She pauses, and then, "I mean, I guess not everyone makes money." "You will." You don't know if she will or not, but she can draw things hyper-realistically so you can't even tell if it's a drawing or a black and white photograph on printed paper. "Aw, thanks." She kisses your cheek and sings along with the music for a while. You wonder what she's thinking about. "I heard that art can be anything." "That's not true, Charlie. Art can't be anything. Don't trust the people who get naked and roll around in paint on a giant tarp." This makes sense. "That makes sense." "Mistakes aren't always mistakes, you know." You do know, or maybe you don't know. You feel dumb if you ask too many questions, so you try to interpret some things on your own. Mistakes aren't always mistakes. You decide this means that if you accidentally do something to ruin your drawing, maybe it's not really ruined. Maybe it's just a different drawing now. There's another long pause, so long you might have fallen asleep. You come back down to hear her say something like, "Remind me to give you your gift before I leave tomorrow." "For me?" "No, your gift for Danny," she jokes. "What is it?" She throws her arm over your chest and it feels like it weighs a thousand pounds for some reason. It feels like the bed is swallowing you. "It's a surprise. I don't know if you'll like it. It's not really 'a gift', I guess." You smile in the darkness. "Well, it's all about perspective, right?" Don't touch me, please I cannot stand the way you tease |
Welp, Elle - on hiatus  , Cinn , Fivesixer  , lizco252... I totally caved to the peer pressure, so here's every song in my blog during 2015.  I only learned one thing from doing this - I WILL LISTEN TO FUCKING ANYTHING. Like, seriously, I have no shame in my music game. Beastie Boys one day, Death Cab for Cutie the next, then suddenly, Elton John or Joy Division. No restrictions here.  1975, The - "Sex" A-ha - "Take On Me" Alex Turner - "It's Hard To Get Around The Wind" Alice In Chains - "Heaven Beside You" Alkaline Trio - "Mercy Me" Arctic Monkeys - "A Certain Romance" Arctic Monkeys - "Knee Socks" Andrew W.K. - "Party Hard" Atlas Genius - "Trojans" Atmosphere - "January On Lake Street" Atmosphere - "The Waitress" Bad Suns - "Cardiac Arrest" Banks - "Waiting Game" Beastie Boys - "She's Crafty" Black Lips - "Bad Kids" Black Sabbath - "Sweet Leaf" Bleachers - "I Wanna Get Better" Blind Melon - "Dear Ol' Dad" Blondie - "Heart of Glass" Bloodhound Gang - "The Bad Touch" Bob Dylan - "Masters of War" Brand New - "I Will Play My Game Beneath the Spin Light" Brand New - "Jaws Theme Swimming" Brand New - "Jesus Christ" Brand New - "Logan to Government Center" X2 Brand New - "Mene" Bright Eyes - "Don't Now When But A Day Is Gonna Come" Cage the Elephant - "In One Ear" Canned Heat - "On The Road Again" Cat Stevens - "If You Want To Sing Out, Sing Out" Cat Stevens - "Peace Train" Cat Stevens - "The Wind" Catfish & the Bottlemen - "Kathleen" Catfish & the Bottlemen - "Homesick" Catfish & the Bottlemen - "Rango" Catfish & the Bottlemen - "Sidewinder" Catfish & the Bottlemen - "Tyrants" X2 CHVRCHES - "The Mother We Share" Clash, The - "Koka Kola" Creedence Clearwater Revival - "Have You Ever Seen the Rain?" Cribs, The - "Be Safe" Cursive - "Some Red-Handed Slight of Hand Dead To Me - "Don't Wanna" Dead To Me - "Special Professional" Death Cab For Cutie - "Expo '86" Death Cab For Cutie - "Tiny Vessels" Death Cab For Cutie - "We Looked Like Giants" Defiance, Ohio - "Calling Old Friends" Drenge - "Fuckabout" Ed Sheeran - "Thinking Out Loud" Elliott Smith - "Rose Parade" Elliott Smith - "Stupidity Tries" Elton John - "Bennie and the Jets" Elton John - "Rocket Man" Everclear - "White Men In Black Suits" Fences - "Arrows" Fences - "The Lake" Fenix TX - "Threesome" Flatliners, The - "This Respirator" Fleetwood Mac - "Dreams" X2 Fleetwood Mac - "The Chain" Foghat - "Slow Ride" Foo Fighters - "Everlong" Gaslight Anthem, The - "We're Getting a Divorce, You Keep the Diner" Glass Animals - "Gooey" Guided By Voices - "Game of Pricks" Guns 'N' Roses - "My Michelle" Halsey - "Control" Halsey - "Gasoline" Halsey - "Ghost" Head and the Heart, The - "Rivers and Roads" Heatmiser - "Plainclothes Man" Hot Hot Heat - "Bandages" Hozier - "Work Song" Interpol - "PDA" James Bay - "Let It Go" Jamie T - "Zombie" Japanther - "She's The One" Jaws - "Stay In" Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah Jets To Brazil - "Chinatown" Jimi Hendrix - "Little Wing" Jimi Hendrix Experience, The - "Purple Haze" Jon Bellion - "Luxury" Joy Division - "Disorder" Kasabian - "Underdog" Kid Cudi - "Just What I Am" Kooks, The - "Always Where I Need To Be" Kooks, The - "Eddie's Gun" Kooks, The - "Junk of the Heart" La Dispute - "Andria" Led Zeppelin - "Good Times Bad Times" Led Zeppelin - "Stairway to Heaven" Lou Reed - "New York Telephone Conversation" Lou Reed - "Satellite of Love" Loved Ones, The - "Jane" X2 Mac Miller - "Missed Calls" Marcy Playground - "Comin' Up From Behind" Maximo Park - "Books From Boxes" Menzingers, The - "Good Things" Milky Chance - "Stolen Dance" Modest Mouse - "Baby Blue Sedan" Modest Mouse - "Dramamine" Modest Mouse - "Gravity Rides Everything" Modest Mouse - "Lampshades on Fire" Modest Mouse - "Trailer Trash" Motion City Soundtrack - "Everything Is Alright" Nine Inch Nails - "Sin" Nirvana - "Something In The Way" Nirvana - "Very Ape" Oasis - "Live Forever" Passion Pit - "Carried Away" Passion Pit - "Constant Conversations" Passion Pit - "Little Secrets" Passion Pit - "Sleepyhead" Phoenix - "Chloroform" Placebo - "Commercial for Levi" Placebo - "Nancy Boy" X2 Placebo - "Special K" Placebo - "Special Needs" Portugal. The Man - "Modern Jesus" Primal Scream - "Movin' On Up" Public Enemy - "Rebel Without a Pause" Radiohead - "The Bends" Red Hot Chili Peppers - "The Zephyr Song" Richard Hell and the Voidoids - "Blank Generation" Ride - "Vapour Trail" Rilo Kiley - "Paint's Peeling" Rise Against - "Give It All" Rolling Stones, The - "Rocks Off" Rolling Stones, The - "Tumbling Dice" Sam Smith - "Stay With Me" Samples, The - "Could It Be Another Change" Say Anything - "Hate Everyone" Senses Fail - "Calling All Cars" Shins, The - "Girl Inform Me" Shins, The - "Simple Song" Shins, The - "Sleeping Lessons" Shins, The - "Spilt Needles" Simon & Garfunkel - "A Hazy Shade of Winter" Slowdive - "40 Days" Slowdive - "Dagger" X2 Smashing Pumpkins - "Thirty-Three" Smiths, The - "Miserable Lie" Smiths, The - "There Is A Light That Never Goes Out" Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks - "Lariat" Steppenwolf - "Magic Carpet Ride" Steve Miller Band - "The Joker" Strokes, The - "Someday" Sublime - "Garden Grove" Sunny Day Real Estate - "Pillars" System of a Down - "B.Y.O.B." Taking Back Sunday - "Liar" Taking Back Sunday - "Little Devotional" Tame Impala - "Elephant" Third Eye Blind - "Motorcycle Drive By" Tiesto - "Wasted" Tom Cochrane - "Life Is A Highway" Tom Waits - "Diamonds and Gold" Tupac - "I Get Around" Twenty One Pilots - "Migraine" Twenty One Pilots - "Semi-Automatic" Twenty One Pilots - "The Judge" Used, The - "Taste of Ink" Vaccines, The - "If You Wanna" Vaccines, The - "Wetsuit" Vance Joy - "Georgia" Velvet Underground, The - "Pale Blue Eyes" Walk The Moon - "Anna Sun" Weeknd, The - "Earned It" White Stripes, The - "Black Math" Wombats, The - "Greek Tragedy" |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Prompt: "To sustain our hopes, we sometimes hear and see selectively focusing on evidence to support our hopes and ignoring evidence to the contrary." Don't just say yes or no, write a story or a poem about someone in a jam and ????? I think I might be the exact opposite of this. I know some people who only hear what they want to hear because they're just so damn positive that things will work out the way they want them to. I'm pretty much at the point where I know things will work out, it's just a question if they'll work out in my favor or not. I see this most commonly when people are in bad relationships and they're so laser focused on making it work that they can't see how shitty it is. Of course, I'm not a relationship elitist. Mine has plenty of fucked up elements, but at least I'm aware of it. I can't think of anything more frustrating than someone you care about being in an abusive relationship and not even seeing that the relationship is abusive. Like, "Yeah, he did throw me down a flight of stairs, but I was pushing his buttons and he apologized right after..." It's like... oh, honey...It's not just with physical abuse either though. One of my friends was in a relationship with this girl that tried to control every single thing he did. In fact, we aren't friends anymore because of this girl he was dating. She told him what he was allowed to do and when he was allowed to do it. If we went out, she'd blow up his phone several times an hour and if he answered later than the third ring, all hell would break loose. I tried to talk to him about it, like, dude... what the fuck?? And he told me that she had some emotional issues, but she had just been hurt by guys in the past and was super protective of him. Like a year into their relationship, he had finally had enough and decided to leave her. He packed up all his stuff and moved back in with his mum while she was out of town for the weekend. When she came back, she called him and threatened to kill herself and their dog (not in that order, obviously). He took it so seriously that he called the cops to go over and intervene. She apparently started going to therapy and somehow sucked him back in because he moved back in with her and then she quit therapy like a week later. After this, I tried to talk to him again about how manipulative she was being and he completely went off on me and told me to mind my own fucking business. So, I did. I have no idea if they're still together or not because I've been minding my own business for the last 4 years. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Summer is for lakes and camping in a state full of opportunities for both. With lakes and camping come fishing, which is kind of a big deal in your family. In fact, you're the only male in your family who absolutely refuses to do it. This all leads back to a warm summer evening of fishing when you were probably five or six. Your brothers and grandfather were spread around the shoreline. Grandma was doing a crossword puzzle in a folding chair and occasionally pointing out the way the oranges, reds, and yellows of the sky reflected of the rippling water. Grandpa came over to get a sinker from the tackle box at your feet. "Hey, Charlie, do you want to learn how to fish? Has your dad taken you fishing yet?" The appeal of fishing is hard to see when you can relax with Grandma and enjoy nature. Who could ask for more? Still, the thought of joining your brothers and the rest of the men in your family in the fishing tradition holds some sort of weight. You get as far as watching Grandpa start to put the worm on the hook before the questions start. "What are you doing?" "Baiting the hook." He looks at you over the rim of his aviators. "Does it hurt?" He laughs. "Not if you're careful." "But the worm. Does it hurt the worm?" You can feel something tighten in your throat as you watch the squirming dance of the worm all twisted on the hook. "I don't know. Here, give me your lip and I'll try it on you," he jokes. He explains the mechanism of the reel and rod, showing you the anatomy. He lets a little line out and holds it against the rod with one finger. "Then you just flip the bail open, keep holding the line down with your finger." You watch him load the rod, flipping it back then letting the line out in one smooth movement. The bobber lands in the middle of the lake, drifting with the curling ripples. "See, not too hard, is it?" But your mind is on something else. "But, the worm... Can the worm swim?" He laughs again, amused. "You're worried about the worm, aren't you?" "I just wonder what it's doing. It's just out there under the water... I mean, what if someone hooked you up and put you under the water?" "That'd have to be a pretty big hook, don't you think?" he smiles. There's a long pause where you try to think of how that would actually work, a person on a hook being thrown from a fishing pole into the water. You decide the pole might break. "You want to go back by Grandma?" "Yes," you say far too quickly. As you walk back to Grandma, you think of one more thing. "Hey, Grandpa? Can we not tell Dad about the worm?" Grandpa stops and turns to you. "Our little secret. Cross my heart," he makes the motion across his heart before continuing back to where Grandma greets you with a smile, happy to have her buddy back. We're not bad people, we're not dirty, we're not mean We love everybody, but we do as we please When the weather's fine We go fishing or go swimming in the sea |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Prompt: I found this random fact "95% of people text things they could never say in person." I don't buy into this, what about you? Do you text things you could never say in person? Or do you send them a letter or an email? Or call them on the phone? How do you handle? awkward conversations. This prompt is funny because Cinn and I were just talking about how to handle awkward conversations. I guess I'm kind of weird with them because if I don't care about the person or how they feel, I won't even attempt to have the awkward conversation. I just kind of avoid it and pretend the person doesn't exist as much as reasonably possible.For example, I'm in a weird situation with one of my classmates who won't stop calling/texting me after we exchanged numbers for a group project. (The project is over, by the way.) Instead of just telling her to leave me alone or something, I'm completely ignoring all of her calls and texts. When she calls, I hit the ignore button and then when I see her in class the next week, I just pretend like I have no idea who she is. It's probably more awkward to NOT address the situation, but I just can't get myself to tell someone to piss off when I have to see them every week until May. As far as the random fact goes... I don't think I say things through text that I wouldn't say in person. I mean, I think things are easier to say via text or email than face-to-face, but anything I say in text, I'd at least be willing to say in person. But again, it all depends on the person I'm dealing with, honestly. If it's someone I'm friends with or a family member, I'll be way more straight up and blunt than I will be with a stranger. Not because I'm worried about hurting the stranger's feelings, but because I literally can't be bothered to even acknowledge their existence. I'm like "take a hint" to an extreme. How long can will you keep trying to contact to me while I pretend you're a ghost? I have no idea if this makes sense. I'm tired. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** All first sessions are the same. You've been to enough that it's like playing speed therapy. One hour with a therapist who inserts strange pauses into their sentences, another hour with one who stares into her lap and writes down the entire conversation without looking up once. This therapist is a tree trunk of a guy with a firm handshake and curt tone. "Now, Charles, tell me about yourself." This part is always awkward. How do you sum up 20 years in one sentence? Some are better than others at the lead in. "I actually go by Charlie." That's as good a summary as any. "That's fine," he replies with no indication that he intends on calling you by your nickname. There's a long pause before he continues. "We have to start somewhere." You cross and uncross your arms. "Yes, somewhere is where we will start." "Why don't you tell me about yourself? What do you do for fun, in your spare time?" Don't say hard drugs. Don't say hard drugs. Don't say hard drugs. "I... work on cars." He raises an eyebrow at you. "You work on cars? That's interesting. What kind of cars do you like to work on?" "I actually don't work on cars. I don't even know how to change my oil." He leans back in his chair and tosses his clipboard on the desk behind him. "If you don't work on cars, then why did you say you work on cars?" A good question. "You seem like you would work on cars." He almost smiles. Almost. "Why in the world would you say that you work on cars just because I look like I work on cars?" You hadn't thought of this. "I have no idea," you tell him, honestly. He rubs his temples with the middle finger and thumb of one hand. "Do you do that often?" "Do what?" "Do you pretend to have interests in other people's interests?" "Hey, why do all of your offices look the same? You all have this bookshelf with all these medical books. Does that just come standard with the office, or-" He accuses you of stalling, changing the subject. This is off to a good start. He tells you that you've already wasted fifteen minutes of your forty-five minute slot. You could easily waste thirty more. It's amusing to watch him take a different approach. "What I do here, in my practice, is I set up a preliminary meeting. Do you know what that is?" "Are you asking me if I know what the word 'preliminary' means?" Who wouldn't be offended? "This is what I would consider a preliminary meeting. We see each other, we talk a little bit, get to know each other, work on our lines of communication. You don't have to worry about jumping into anything too quickly. We won't get to the meat and potatoes until later sessions." Meat and potatoes. You knew he worked on cars. All my life I'm looking for the magic I've been looking for the magic Fantasize on a silly little tragic I've been looking for the magic |
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I'm still so confused. How did they get to senior-level finance with so little know-how. I don't get it. 
People definitely tend to jump straight to the worst conclusion when any problem arises, which is why you so frequently hear, "My computer is broken!" when there's really a simple fix. 
Just why. It's so gross. We need to get you some personal finance help! This is only tangentially related and not a statement on you, but one of the nonprofits I work with consists of me making budget plans for people who were recently homeless and have just gotten back on their feet. A lot of the people I work with have only been at their job for less than a month or been in an apartment for a week or two. My role is to gather all of their financial information and then consult with them on their bills, disposable income, purchases, and stuff like that. It's shocking to see the financial decisions people make after just being homeless. I'm like, dude, you were just homeless 2 weeks ago. 
I have seen so much of the disasters it has caused with some people. I have in the past been unconsciously roped into financial situations that were most unpleasant and having to make sensible plans to unravel them.