*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/forums/message_id/2305136
Rated: E · Message Forum · Reviewing · #1814379
Full positive reviews for cases of any color.
<< Previous  •  Message List  •  Next >>
Reply  •  Post New
Oct 1, 2011 at 3:03am
#2305136
Please Edit My Work? :D
by Sola
Hi! I'm new to this site and I found this page. I don't really know how things work around here, but I really wanted to get some feedback concerning my writing. I like my writing, but I don't know if anyone else does! Can you let me know what you think? And possibly give me some criticism, whether that be good or bad? My writing style is abstract, and it's kind of a mix between prose and poetry. It's tough to describe, but it gets a little dark and intentionally melodramatic sometimes. Let me know what you think!

_______________________
Oh my God, what have I done? I loved you, I swear I did. This wasn't supposed to end like this. s***, I'm sorry I tied you up. I'm sorry that your delicate body is marred by fibrous imprints. Let's go back... Let's start again; let's pretend this never happened. We can do that, right? The gag over your mouth... It was all too much. Christ, I scratched at your waistline, didn't I? Who is inside of me? Who am I?

It didn't happen. You're a liar! No one will believe you anyway. Our history is antiquated by now and you don't even know the truth!

How can you even know what happened that night? Neither of us know anything... And now you're right here in front of me! You're right here in front of me and you're bleeding. It's all my fault. I'm sorry.

Forgive me of my iniquities. I've hurt you and thousands more. I've destroyed the entire human race; I've impregnated the world; I've intoxicated the children of this planet.

Cursed, I am! Cursed, we are! We're in this together. Don't pretend this is all my fault. We've known each other for so long. We've nursed at the same breast, we've laughed together, cried together... And now this? A betrayal of the nth degree! You've hurt me just as much as I've hurt you. Gosh, but you looked so cute... You looked so delicate and helpless. You wanted to trip me up. You wanted me to hurt you! Yes, this is what it's always been about. You've always been an attention whore. I swear that you've murdered me thousands of times before.

I've seen your face in past lives. You've always been the one following me, waiting for me to make the smallest of miscalculations. You've pounced again... You've orchestrated the Third Reich, protested the protestors of Tiananmen square, brought Rwanda to its knees! You were never convicted of assisting in Thích Qu?ng Ð?c's suicide, but I know you had your claws in there somehow!

How long have you been stalking me? It's beginning to make sense now.

I know what you're up to.
_______________________

Well, that's it! Please be honest with mmeeee! ^_^
MESSAGE THREAD
*Star*
Please Edit My Work? :D · 10-01-11 3:03am
by Sola
Re: Please Edit My Work? :D · 10-01-11 3:29pm
by Clueless_Poet
Re: Please Edit My Work? :D · 10-02-11 5:12pm
by Sola

The following section applies to this forum item as a whole, not this individual post.
Any feedback sent through it will go to the forum's owner, Clueless_Poet.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/forums/message_id/2305136