Mystical Meditations

Izzie and Lesley, thanks so much for your kind words. Not that I'm happy for your afflictions, but it makes me feel less alone in the universe, more normal, I guess, knowing there's other people who are also vulnerable to some psychological weakness.

Izzie, can I ask what happened when you were between 14 and 16? You don't have to tell if you don't feel comfortable to, I understand. Funny how bad events have such a long memory. Have you ever written it down? For me, it was my twelfth year that was the lifechanger year, and I have difficulties piecing it together in a coherent whole. Still a work in progress.

Lesley, I am part of a local writing group too but I actually struggle to make the meetings. I drive there myself but its in a part of town that tends to get traffic jams. If I am ten minutes late or more, I find that I sit in the car and literally can't get myself out. So I end up turning back. For me, it's the anxiety of turning up late, that awkward feeling when you know you've interrupted others.

Isn't it funny how before most of us have reached adulthood, how crushed and broken we've already become. For some, it's big things, like sexual abuse or the death of a parent. For others, it's smaller things. Like for me. I always found it difficult to explain why I was feeling so low, the causes were always small problems in everyone else's eyes but for me, it was one step away from suicide. One day, I hope I can write it all out. I feel as if writing is the only way I would be able to explain how I was feeling, to express how it didn't feel like such a small thing to me.

Serey