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Hi! I'm hoping for a little feedback on this paragraph of dialog. It's not long enough to bother with making it into an item. This is a boy trying to convince a bully not to take his hard-earned Christmas money. What I need to know is, given the general nature of your typical fictional bully, is it likely he would be swayed by this? Zane, if you try to take my money, I'll fight you with everything I've got. Because this isn't just money, it's Gwen's Christmas. Without it, she'll have nothing to open on Christmas morning. So I'll fight you for Gwen's sake. I know I'll lose because you're bigger and you're stronger. But you have a choice, Zane. You can beat me up and take my money or let me go and let Gwen have her Christmas. It's your call. You're in control. But remember this: if you take my money, you'll spend it, and it will be gone. Poof! It will be like it never existed. But if you let me keep it, you'll be giving me and my family a Christmas we'll never forget. That's a big deal, Zane. You don't get a chance to make something like that happen every day. You can be a real-life Santa Claus or you can be a miserable bully with nothing. What do you say? Thanks! |