Crosstimbers Review Forum

Hi, Max

I'd appreciate it if you would have a look at this story:

The Sound of Death  (18+) The city has been destroyed by a blast of deadly noise. Can Fen and Ginger survive? #2278560 by Graywriter

I've worked to follow your idea of the guided dream, leading the readers through the events and engaging them as active participants in the story. I'm not sure I've succeeded.

Fen and Ginny are having coffee when an incredible blast of noise shatters the city and kills all electrical activity. No power, no phones, no municipal services. By luck they have earbuds in so the sound does not kill them but only renders them temporarily deaf. When they realize the extent of the damage, fearing pestilence and rioting survivors, they attempt to flee the city on bicycles.

There is a conflict--man vs circumstance. The characters have a goal--escape from the city. There are obstacles to reaching the goal. Failure has a consequence--illness, violence, death.

What I don't have is a specific antagonist. Nothing is ravening at their heels. There is not really a ticking clock to drive drama or rising action. Do I need those elements?

It came in at 4800 words so I chopped some obstacles and dialogue to bring it below 4000 words. I hope I didn't take out anything vital.

Rejection is the stone on which a writer hones his craft.