Sunni's Review &Edit - closed

I had to read this twice to really "get it". I think you would do better to count up the metaphors and similes you have liberally used and delete nine of every ten. You are able to use them well, but they need to be fewer and farther between for this work to be smooth.

What is with the change from first person to third person narrative in the midstream of the story? That broke up the flow and just didn't feel right. I would keep it all in third person since you are describing from both the driver and passengers views.

You did a great job in fitting so much story into such a short story format, it just needs to be a little clearer in my personal opinion. I'd love to see your final edit after you have had several reviews. Please resubmit to "Sunni's Review &Edit Reopened!" when you can.

Sunni17

Writing is an Expression of the Mind and Soul---Sunni17