The Regular Writing Rampage

I'm not an upgraded member, so here is my story.

I loved him more than I’ve ever loved anyone before. The way he cuddled with me on cold nights, the way his adoring eyes stared into mine, the way he came to me in his times of needs. But now he’s gone. He’s gone and there’s nothing I can do about it. Maybe I should start at the beginning.

I first saw him at the mall on a Saturday afternoon. One glance into those deep eyes and I knew we were meant to be together. I loved his unique quality; he was bald. I’ve always been attracted to baldness. He came home with me that night.

Life passed uneventfully for a while, until we got the notice. Some nasty people were going to come and take my love away! They would take him to a dark, dismal place and lock him up. I couldn’t let that happen. I did a terrible thing. I hid behind the door and waited for the mean person to come. When he stepped in the door, I hit him on the head with a hammer. Then I did an even worse thing. I fed him to my one true love. I told him it was beef; he believed me. The mean man was gone in two nights worth of dinner.

The police came by the next day to question me. I told them I didn’t know anything; that he had never showed up. They believed me and went on their way. I heaved a sigh of relief that they hadn’t noticed the little spot of blood I had neglected to clean up. However, what they did next was appalling.

The police searched my house while I was away! They found the spot of blood and arrested me. But it’s okay now. It’s actually been a blessing. They put me in a mental institution and I’m getting help. They took my true love away. I wish I could see him, but they won’t let me. I suppose the reason I loved him so much is why I’m in this place now. You see, society seems to have a real problem with people who fall in love with bald porcupines.