Hi, I'm Jaye. I just found your piece in the Mystery Newsletter dated November 18 and was intrigued by the title and description.

General Impressions: This is a well-plotted story though it does need a bit of additional editorial work.

Grammar & Punctuation: Suggest hyphenating compound adjectives, i.e., when two or more words are combined to describe a noun.

When writing dialog and using a name, nickname, title, pronoun or noun as an address to a person, it should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas.

Specific Suggestions:
In this phrase, ‘ a strange looking gentleman approached the shop. '
Suggest: a strange-looking gentleman approached the shop.

In this phrase, ‘ “Excuse me madam,” '
Suggest: “Excuse me, madam,”

In this phrase, ‘ I would like to purchase some high priced items.” '
Suggest: I would like to purchase some high-priced items.”

In this phrase, ‘ “My name, isn’t madam, '
Suggest: “My name isn’t madam,

In this phrase, ‘ A patent leather novel entitled “Affray’s '
Suggest: A patent-leather novel entitled, “Affray’s

In this phrase, ‘ and proceeded to ruffle the receipts. '
Suggest: and proceeded to riffle through the receipts.


These comments are only my personal opinion. My suggestions are made in the spirit of making a good piece even better. Keep writing!




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