Hi embe

It's just me, Ken , and it is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "Invalid Item"  on behalf of "The Earth Day Challenge"  [ASR].

First Impression/Thoughts:
Dark and powerful! This is a condemnation of us all seen from the future and points to our ineffectual efforts to preserve a future for out children and succeeding generations.

Creativity/Impact:
Very creative and unique! The darkness of your words at our failures rides like a bitter taste and - whether one thinks this is too negative or not - they will not turn away from the haunting images you've created. Well done.

Content:
Your words, like shards of a broken mirror, reflect many aspects of a ghostly future where man has turned his back on the environment and you give us glimpses of the dire consequences that result. This was very haunting in that I could feel the disgust that some future generation would have looking back on our ignorances - both real and chosen. Very powerful and touching.

Technical Notes:
Written in free verse, there are no set rules other than to keep a "poetic feel." This was presented in verse form but it was obvious on reading that it was a mirage . Still, I think that the common theme and the imagery, strung together like a shaman's beads to read a black future, worked well. What didn't work well, for me, was that so many of the images were fragments - "Planet earth, land, air and water when will heat rise a hole in your ozone," I found that because you ran them all together, I had to place them in a context for understanding. This may well have been your purpose but it made reading and comprehension more challenging. Some order - even in chaos - would help

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
and a Wow. This is a 5 write for content and orginality. I'm just not sure that, as presented, it's full impact will reach the reader. Some will stay the course and find the depth in this - many won't and the loss is both theirs and yours. Thank you for sharing your talent and vision with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you sunshine and blue skies,

Ken