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Review #3517690
Viewing a review of:
 I AM AN ILLUSION: award winner  [E]
I am just an illusion, a mirage, a shadow. The real me is my soul.
by Dr M C Gupta
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
A Disclaimer: All the comments are generated from my personal interpretation and spontaneous impression. As the author of this creation you are the sole and ultimate judge of what is best for your expression. I shall be very glad if my views can be of any help.

*Writing* Title: The title presents precisely the idea the poem is going to elucidate in seven consecutive stanzas. It also cocoons the final conclusion that the stanzas eventually reach. Nice application!

*Writing* Concept and appreciation: May be I am lucky to be an Indian to detect all the subtle shades of the philisophy we have both been brought up in the light of! I have interpreted your concept in this way.

As you call upon the Inner Entity ("Him"), the reader gets the sole glimpse of the inside truth lying behind the great display of 'shadow' or 'mirage' of one's projected persona. Through the poem the self made up of the body and mind is described as an empty husk. It does not trace a path across the desert of futility, it only 'oscillates' between the extremes, and has no definite 'direction'. The 'bargain' does not stand for the one at the premises of jerusalem. Here it denotes the profit of peace and illumination which our daily give-and-take cannot deliver. The promise of a song is useless when it can never be performed.

If we interpret 'cause of action' as the human race, who are at the vortex of divine activity, the sudden rap of the image 'none to sue' appears unexpected. I do not think it was absolutely necessary either..

*Writing* Impression of the Idea: The idea of 'eternal journey' reminds me of the 'Pilgrim's Progress'. The 'way' here is not one life only, but several ones. The phrase 'half-baked' also seems shocking, but too appropriate to suggest a replacement. I also acknowledge the touch of bitterness at the hopeless situation. The relative insignificance of a short life is a poignant touch. Reading this poem is an experience like an ablution.{c}

*Writing* Thematic Suggestion: I would not dare suggest one!Still I would like a stronger reference of the inner peace and joy in antithesis to all this pessimism. You write with power, so it affects one's thought.

*Writing* Grammar and vocabulary: None found.

*Writing* Imagery and Pictorial quality: Every line that begins with 'I am..' harbours one image to turn another side of the mindstate. The whole poem thus becomes a string of tell-tale images : the pendulum, a mirage, an unsung number, sultry wind without a promise of rain, a ruined bud, a battered calf savaged by its herd, a zero without a numerical to add value to it and finally a compassless swimmer in a shoreless ocean! All the images appear in an endless line flashing different faces of the same diamond-like Truth. Each of them compare the poet's mental atmosphere in a slightly different light and finally, constitute a three-dimensional impression in the reader's mind.

*Writing* Finesse of Detailing: Not one shade of the poet's psychological thinking has escaped rendering. It has been a rewarding exercise.

*Writing* Style: The poet himself specifies the abcb, 7-6-7-6 format. The use of 7 and 6 syllables alternatively has kept monotony at bay and the rhyme scheme keeps time well to the sombre thought pattern. The diction retains flow by not putting in too many polysyllabics.

*Writing* Kudos and Applauds: *ThumbsUp*

*Bird* Personally,I admire the 'content' part of writing slightly more than 'form' part. This is your strongest point that what you wanted to convey, you did point blank.

*Bird* Your riches of imagery and their superb picturesque quality.

*Bird* The sheer depth of thought.

*Writing* Areas to work on: Sometimes the words ring out of tune. Please ignore if intended.

*Sun*My favourite expressions:


I am just an illusion,
A mirage, a shadow.
I am a pendulum that
Oscillates to and fro.
.................................................
I am just a passing show,
I’ll live but a moment.
Of my eternal journey,
This life, is a fragment.



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