Hello kymee WELCOME TO WDC!! Congratulations!! Your item has been highlighted by our group this week. Therefore, it is my pleasure to review
in affiliation with "Simply Positive Newbie Reviewers" ** Image ID #1518004 Unavailable ** CONTENT -- ORIGINALITY This is a beautiful poem portraying a pretty, carefree lady enjoying a pleasant springtime day. She can feel the flowing grass in the breeze, and she embraces a positive attitude at the sight of each flower in bloom. She relaxes and she is free. The poem grants the reader a sense of beauty and well-being. STYLE & FORMATION: The style of the poem is predominately catalectic: lacking the final syllable or syllables expected in the regular pattern of a metrical verse line or meter. For instance, in most of the verses, the first and third lines are 7 syllables while the preceding second and fourth lines contain only 6 syllables. This pattern is not consistent in each verse, but is so close to a regular beat that it could easily become metrically uniform throughout the poem with just a few adjustments. Here’s an example of what I mean: You wrote: Here’s nature at its finest, with each flower in full bloom. Her attitude is so positive cheerful she hums a special tune. Now you have a consistent catalectic beat of 7-6-7-6 iambic (unstressed+stressed) syllables with each line being a trimeter (3 feet)--and all I did was change a couple of words, not the meaning of your message. Of course, metric consistency is a matter of taste and opinion. There is nothing wrong with the non-uniform, erratic beat of free-style. I just, personally, prefer the traditional form of a logical, even pattern. I guess it’s the mild OCD in me. RHYME The rhyme scheme of your poem seems to be abcb with lines 2 & 4 rhyming. I noticed a couple of the words don’t exactly rhyme, like “grass” and “last”, and “bloom” and “tune”, but they fit in the flow and the meaning of the poem. I have discovered a wonderful link that has helped me locate rhyming words. http://www.rhymezone.com/ Your word choices are realistic and natural with no obviously forced placements of words just because they rhyme. PUNCTUATION Your punctuation looks pretty good here. I see where you went back an added some periods since I last viewed this piece. Very good!! Many poets vary in their use of punctuation in poetry. I’m certainly no expert!! I only know what works for me, and I believe punctuation should be the same in poetry as in prose, even more so when emphasis and emotion are evident. Without punctuation, all the words just jumble together making the poet’s meaning unclear. Here’s an example of where omission of a simple comma confuses the reader: A precious lady during the day wandering through the grass. So carefree and so pretty she wants this day to last. Without a comma after “day” in the first line, the reader is left wondering if the day is wandering through the grass of if the lady is doing the wandering. You need another comma after “grass”, not a period, for this is not a complete sentence. And, you need another comma after “pretty” because it separates the absolute phrase from the main sentence. It helps me sometimes if I lay the poem out in a prose formation, like this: A precious lady during the day, wandering through the grass, so carefree and so pretty, she wants this day to last. OVERALL You have allowed the reader to actually experience the natural wonders of springtime, and to feel what the lady is feeling as she absorbs the beauty and the joy all around her. I found the meaning and the message of your poem refreshing and enjoyable. Well done, Kymee!! Thank you for this opportunity to review your work. My suggestions and opinions are offered only in the spirit of helpfulness with no intentions of offense or disrespect of your hard work here. My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed"
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