Why I Chose To Review This Item:

I was searching for someone to review for this month, and I remembered that you had entered this piece in the Rising Stars contest. Once I read the description of it, I just couldn't help but stop by for a read.


My Thoughts

I really enjoyed reading this piece. The ending was especially satisfying because of the confidence felt through the last few lines. It starts out with a fearful tone and builds until the end, allowing the progression to be very smooth and believable. Well done.


Conventions

One of the first things I noticed about this poem was how effortless the rhyming sequence came across. The words you chose flowed very well and felt very natural within the content. They didn't seem forced at all, and for me, that's a very important part of a solid flow. Nicely done.

While the syllable count wasn't exactly consistent, I found it consistent enough to enhance the smooth flow. When I read it out loud, there was only one spot where I slipped up, which I have included below, but on the whole, I found it very easy to recite. Good work!

I loved the imagery in this piece! Wow. You made great use of active verbs to spark emotion in the reader. I could feel the sense of confusion and powerlessness in the beginning very well, and I think it made the ending all the more powerful.


Grammar, Punctuation, and Spelling

Will tear and pull, at the seams,
I think the comma after 'pull' is unnecessary. For me, it flows better without it. See what you think.


My Favorite Part(s)

I see right through the image wrought,
Yet cannot turn away,

I love the concept of this. I feel that it worked very well to 'show' the reader how the person in the poem was feeling. I found it produced a vivid emotional response. Nicely done.


Suggestions for Improvement

The face I see before me now,
looking through the glass,
This is one part where I found that I stumbled as I was reading it out loud. The second line here is only five syllables, and I wonder if that has something to do with it since the rest of the lines sit between 6 and 8. Perhaps consider lengthening it by a syllable or two to increase the flow. See what you think.


In Conclusion

An enjoyable, insightful, and inspirational poem. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Thank you for posting your work and allowing me to comment on it. If you do not agree with my suggestions, that is just fine. They are definitely yours to do with what you wish.

Happy Writing!



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .