First up, I'd like to say this is a fantastic piece of work! I've entered into the same competition and after reading your entry, feel like mine is rather lacking!

You use marvellous descriptive text to pain a very vivid image of events and help carry the sense of urgency the main character has in gettig to Rapunzel. I also really like the song that she is singing, to lure him in.

The twist at the end - nice!

Really the aspect of your narrative that seems to be slightly out of place is the way Rapunzel talks. Theodoric speaks almost formally, which suits him, and Rapunzel seems very casual, almost modern, if that makes sense. I'm not sure if that is intentional, for her to seem incredibly casual or not, but it just seemed to stick out.

Anyway, as I originally stated, that was awesome, well done!

Hamish