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Review #3639345
Viewing a review of:
 Do Not Go Gently  [18+]
They come at night. Stay by the nightlight.
by Early
Review of Do Not Go Gently  
Review by The Lone One
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Dear Early,

This is a Power Review! *Smile*

Before I begin I wish to remind you that anything I say or suggest in this review is my opinion.

*NoteG*Initial Analysis:
*Check*Title:Do Not Go Gently
Meaning: This is a horror genre story. The "Do not go" part I take to mean do not go with them, the ones that "Come at night".
*CheckB*Narration type:Third Person
*CheckG*Narrator:Lumen, a little girl who can see the night terrors.
*CheckR*Setting:In Lumen's room, with mention of parent's room, and of bathroom.
*CheckV*Other Notes:A short story, horror genre. Characters seem to be Lumen, the Raging One, and the Dying One.

*NoteR*In depth Analysis:
*BurstB*Corrections:
To anyone else the Dying One was a 10 year old boy.
Her eyes met the glowing golden gaze of Dying One.
I notice that you refer to Dying One as both that, and as "the Dying One"... Which is it? *Pthb*

To anyone else the Dying One was a 10 year old boy.
To anyone else, the Dying One was a 10 year old boy.
Missing a comma here *Smile*

He was the one she's seen in the mirror and he did bad things.
He was the one she saw in the mirror. He did bad things.
Just a little smoother like that this I find.

Sometimes he told her about what he did when the lights went out to the other ones who could see them.
Sometimes, he told her about what he did when the lights went out to the other ones who could see them.
Comma missing.

He took them all, and sometimes he ate them up.
He took them all, and sometimes, he ate them up.
A comma would make it a little tidier *Smile*

Other-times he took their light away so they stayed with him in the night forever.
Other times, he took their light away so they would stay with him in the night forever.
Other times shouldn't be hyphenated, and you missed a comma, and I cleaned up the ending.

It was loneliness that was making him sick and she was the only one who could save him.
It was loneliness that was making him sick, and she was the only one who could save him.
A missing comma

“If you do not come with me tonight I’ll die.”
“If you do not come with me tonight, I’ll die.”
Another comma missing here

If he died then she’d be alone with the Raging One forever.
If he died, then she’d be alone with the Raging One forever.
If/Then sentences are separated with a comma right before the then.

*BurstG*Suggestions:Including with the corrections *Smile*

*BurstO*Typos:None found

*BurstP*Moral of the Story:A horror story... The moral would be to never trust a stranger, or to never sleep without a plastic pumpkin light beside you *Wink*

*BurstR*Other Notes:Very well written, gripping, and slightly terrifying; all in all, an excellent piece! *Smile*

*NoteB*Final Analysis/Overall:
*Info*What I Liked:The story was amazingly told. Absolutely fantastic!
*InfoB*Errors:Quite a few missing commas *Frown*
*InfoBR*What I disliked:It was done way too fast.. too short *Pthb*
*InfoG*Breakdown of the Rating:
                             
|PART  A:              |
|CONTENT:        5/5|
|IMPACT:           5/5|
|CHARACTERS: 5/5|
|PLOT:               5/5|
|OVERALL:       20/20|
                             
|PART   B:              |
|VOCAB:            5/5|
|GRAMMAR:       3/5|
|TYPOS:             5/5|
|STRUCTURE:     5/5|
|OVERALL:        18/20|
                        
|SUMMARY:     |
|PART A:    20/20|
|PART B:    18/20|
|OVERALL: 38/40|
|OVERALL:  5/5|

If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me; I'd be more than happy to explain something or help with something.

All the best,

~Kev

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#1300305 by Maryann
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 12/24/2011 @ 1:34pm EST
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