This review takes the form of my thoughts as I read through your story. Please take all criticisms as an expression of my personal opinion. As always, thank you for posting your work. 

It should be "Her mother had called him". "Cap of black curls" produces an odd image. Consider other ways to describe her hair. The implication is that Bran thinks she will sleep in his apartment. If that is not your intention, there needs to be a clarifying comment from him like, "You can find me there later."  "For two minutes" It's plural. She can't mop up spilled tea if you didn't mention that it spilled in the first place. If you are still trying to shorten the piece, I would say you can leave that part out. Just "Thy sank into their chairs. Open the quotations again after "Albert hissed".
 Goodness. I love fantasy so much that I made it to the end with no more criticisms. I enjoyed the world you made that splashes magic into New York. A particularly interesting element is that by the end, the audience has been bamboozled as to which character is good and which is evil. My overall impression is actually of a dark world, despite the exciting element of magic.

 You mentioned that you need to shorten the word count. Unfortunately, my reviews usually speak more of additions rather than subtractions. In your piece I could find no huge unnecessary chunks to shave off. Be proud! It also make shortening your work a hassle. It is possible if you put in the time. In each sentence, consider all of your modifiers. For example, "Her green woolen socks" could become "Her woolen socks". Also, with every sentence, especially lengthy ones, try to think of other ways to say the same thing. For example, I could change the preceding sentence to "Rearrange sentences to shorten them" and knock 13 words off of my word count. I hope this helps. Have a blessed day.

Cerulean

         My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .