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Review #3677760
Viewing a review of:
 Lonesome  [E]
Loss of love, Breakup and aftermath.
by Ruchir P
Review of Lonesome  
Review by Tiggy
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Title: Lonesome

Author: Ruchir P

Type: Poem


The first stanza sets what I can only assume is a metaphor, where the road, sun, and moon become symbols for whatever pain is affecting the poem’s speaker. The imploring nature works well, though if it had continued throughout, it could have become cloying.

The second stanza reiterates this pain. Adding to it, you include the hopelessness of one gone astray. After two stanzas, I couldn’t help but wonder when and if you were going to get to any particulars. It’s one thing to express pain and misery, but without some explanation of a cause, the reader can only empathize just so much.

In stanza three, there is still no explanation as to what is upsetting the speaker, but at least now the reader receives a hint. When one mentions the spirit, it’s likely a religious loss the speaker is pertaining to. Though that still isn’t obvious, it gives the reader a possible clue.

In line two,
That means to reach end of my search
do you mean “an end” or “the end”? I know it’s poetry and you are trying to be brief, but sometimes words can’t be eliminated for it hurts the tone of the poem, or its intent.

In line five of stanza three:
And to my, battered soul, Comfort
That just seems an odd place to put commas. I would suggest removing the first comma, though I’m not really certain what your intended meaning is, and without knowing, I can only guess where that comma might go, but I can’t see any scenario where it would go where you placed it.

And finally, in the last stanza we do see what the problem is. It’s that age old complaint of “lost love.” The stanza illustrates how the speaker feels, that life has become mechanical, he/she just goes through the motions. The dreams are lost, as is the hope of togetherness, it’s sad, even if it’s a little hackneyed.

In retrospect, the poem was probably at its best before I know what the problem was. Sometimes the possibilities are greater than the actuality, and I think that is the case here. The writing is pretty good, and for those who feel the same as the speaker, this poem will have a lot deeper and immediate importance.




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