Hi,

I came across your item, liked what I read and would like to share my thoughts about it.


Plot: Sarah and Roger get into a fight about nothing. But is Sarah really only so pissed because she has to go see her hated in-laws?

Style/Voice: 3rd Person limited, Sarah's POV

Setting: Sarah's and Roger's bedroom and bathroom (no further descriptions)




Characters:

Sarah is on the edge and ready to run amok. At least, she feels like that. Not enough that she has to go see her bloody in-laws and that her husband is sloppy, no, she most of all has to quit her dearest delight. It hurts. It sucks. Someone must pay for this outrageous injustice, and when she can't kill the cause for her misery then the victim most reachable. Although she feels a pang of bad conscience, the relief finally let out everything she doesn't love about her husband doesn't work as well.

With the Damocles Sword in form of her in-laws, to whom she has a (mutual) strained relationship, hanging above her head nothing can calm and even less her husband's dubious tones in his voice he denies or his careless comments about her condition. It's a BIG thing for her, damn! And concerning his parents: she won't give them the satisfaction of providing them with even more a target than she already does. Her defiance is roused and her will to win. Either them or I ... and it won't be me, and if it's friggin' killing me! The way Roger finally solves the problem appears cruel to her first, but only until she realizes his worry for her and his love and support, which really stand behind his "gift".



Roger comes home from work and is already braced for a cool welcome as the regular dinner with his parents has arrived again. But what awaits him at home is so not what he expected, but worse! Sarah's angry rant throws him totally off guard, confuses, and even scares him. He's never seen her like that before. When he learns about the why, he's relieved and, hating to argue with Sarah, tries to brighten her up, leading to the total opposite, which leaves him totally planless. Whatever he does, it is WRONG. Finally, he only sees one way to soothe his wife: a fix of caffeine. It may be against the advice of the doctor, but fearing that Sarah wants too much too soon, makes Roger go out of his ways.




Grammar: Beware! Below I've pointed out, corrected things and made suggestions based on how I would've put things. However, I'm ESL, so you might not agree with everything.






(...) and the fact that he was late (...)

(...) peeking her head around the door jam.

"The point is that you aren’t (...) The point is that you never (...)

“The point is that we have to (...)

Roger frowned and backed upaway a few steps.

It was true that he always leftlet his things lying aboutaround, but truth be told(comma) (...)

“(...) I drink too much coffee;(period) The caffeine's causing an overactive imagination, he said.(comma)” Sarah told him, (...)

“It doesn’t matter though;(period) (...)

(...) (period) “You don’t think I can do it?”

“I-,(no comma and space) I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to,(semicolon) (...)

“I was surprised(comma) is all,” (...)

“Whatever,(ellipsis) All I know is that (...)

“You just quit smoking,(semicolon) (...)

“Oh, I believe you(comma) alright. (...)

"I’ll show you crazy(comma) Roger Hallingsworth, (...)

“I said that wrong,(exclamation mark) I meant aggravated(italics), (period) You seem angry. (...) (semicolon) it's the least I can do.”

"Why,(question mark) So your parents can (...) (semicolon) there's always (...)

(...) what she was doing(comma) or why(semicolon) but she knew (...)

(...) a little too(space)...(space) Uh, well, (...) the nicest woman, you know,(question mark) Are you sure (...)

Her eyes grew round as she realized (...)





Personal Opinion: Hehe, you bet I've had to view this story. With this title? My humble Self also counts herself to the big fraction of those who only function properly with a certain level of caffeine in her system. So this was the perfect read.

I liked the conflict-building, especially Sarah's rant after Roger took her bait. It and the following bickering rang very true and was vaguely familiar.

Sarah's try to follow the doctor's instructions to get her problem under control and for that even quit her dearest delight, was admirable. However, she's wanting too much and is doing the wrong things for the right reason. Roger realizes this and turns into the personified reason making her recognize it with his "attempt" on her therapy, which is just adorable.

This was an account with a big wink into what our chosen drug can turn us. When we have unlimited access to it, everything is fine; but beware, if someone tries to snatch it away from us, no matter how noble or urgent the reason. Then there's murder and manslaughter and not even our own mother would recognize us anymore. Thank God mine's a coffee addict, too!

I hope you don't take offense on my nit-picking and adding of words that - in my humble opinion - makes the read even smoother.

Thanks for sharing this funny melo-drama - I was not disappointed! *slurps a big sip of COFFEE*


Don't forget that I'm just someone voicing her opinion. You know best what's best for your story.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .