Review of showering acts of joy member to member Hayley I. (aka Kilpik)

Why I chose this piece: Birthday

Overall impression of piece: This is quite good. I think the well described pieces have almost a visceral feel to them. In this piece, you have to answer the issue of what it means to be lonely and what does it feel like

Grammatical and spelling errors: Spacing error with my scarf.

What I liked? There is much to like here. I like the active voice of most of this. I like the describing with the various senses. You are there.. I like the emotional tie in. To be remembered is powerful, especially in depression. I know what it feels like to feel that you don't make a difference

What I disliked: There is kind of a disconnect here about how old he is. He is playing with two friends, but in the piece, it seems obvious that he is older. I assume a past/present sort of description. I would use reminiscence for part of this

How the piece made me feel: The number one gift we can give each other is the gift of belonging. It takes very little sometimes. This resonates within me as a universal and a personal need. The question becomes, what can we give others? This story is able to be felt on many levels.

Hope this helps. Use my ideas as your creativity alchemy deems fitting

Writers write to understand and to be understood. Pass on the gift of review today.

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