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 Review #3712563 |
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| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"  Hello, Andrew  .  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** The story: A man awakens in what appears to be some type of operating room with unfamiliar machinery. There is a body on the next bed. He's unable to collect his thoughts enough to figure out what he is doing there. A man dressed as a doctor appears, and he realizes that remembers him from the plane. He was on a business trip and is surprised at this turn of events. The doctor tells him that he's been chosen for a study, and has had a chip implanted. They soon realize that the implant had been a mistake, so now this new problem has to be dealt with, and it doesn't seen to set very well with the patient.  Thoughts: You've done a good job writing this story. You've put a nice twist on this story. It starts out as one might expect an abduction to, but you take it in another direction by adding a new element that's even worse. I enjoyed reading it, and I couldn't find anything much worth noting as far as suggestions for improvement on minor details. It seemed to flow well, and the conversations seemed real for the most part. Some things could have been spread out a little to add to the suspense for the reader. On another note, detail is very important in a story so the reader can loose themselves in everything around them. In some places you did well, while in others, you fell a little short. One example would be how you described the room. We haven't seen this room, and it's supposed to be so unlike a normal operating room, but I couldn't see how since you didn't tell me anything more than it had strange machinery and holograms in it. I know that since he is strapped to the bed he isn't getting a clear picture, but he's seeing some other details. Another place that caught my attention was where he realized what the holograms were. A little more detail could work here, but the main thing that caught my attention was, how did he know what was being done and added to the bodies? It's a story well worth going over and adding these types of details. I'm sure you could find a few other places that may need just a touch. It's still nicely done either way. Thank you for writing it and giving me a chance to read it. This is my personal review of this piece of your work. These remarks are for you to either use or discard as you see fit. If you do not agree with any of my comments, feel free to delete this review. Since you have your own writing style, Please practice safe editing.  Thank you for allow me to read and review your writing. I'm not a professional, just a reader and writer like yourself. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with all of your writing. 
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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