Hi nick133
I carefully read your story, here is my review. I saw your name in "The Grammar Garden's Gardeners"  and this is for your shower.
Please remember, I'm a writer, just like you, and these are only my impressions. My ultimate goal is to be helpful and supportive. Thanks for sharing your work.



OVERALL SENSE: I really like the way you write, you have that sense of humor that shows, even when you're writing about your worse moments in the dentist office. The whole story is just mind boggling, what can happen when you carry those pigs to ending up with an infection. First of all, if this is me, I would have gone when my face first swelled up. I have to know why it's doing that, because it's not normal. But that's just me.

         TITLE: The title, Butchered at the Dentist, fits the storyline and means exactly that.

         STYLE/VOICE: The style and voice stays strongly on the main character, the author who is telling this story.

         SCENE/SETTING: The scene and setting takes place at his workplace then later at the dentist office. He's got an infected tooth and is told it's bad, so keep that appointment that is made for him.

         CHARACTERS: This would be the author, he is telling a true story of his experience at the dentist.

         PLOT: The author finds out one morning that his cheek is swollen. He ignores it for two weeks until at three o'clock in the morning he feel such tremendous pain that he's in agony until he make an appointment with the dentist.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING: I found errors that I would like to bring to your attention.

them piggies from the back of the lorry--Those piggies, instead of them piggies, sounds better to me

removal of all it's body hair & well rooted tooth from it's point of & completely regained it's feeling & It had worked it's way ---All these sentences don't need the apostrophe in the word its

But I had no choice, it was to late to change & for to long and --In both sentences the too's needs one more "o" for emphasis

sight of a needle with a point point was heading my way--Leave out one point and continue with that was heading my way.

gave a slightly half hearted “thanks doctor” --Half-hearted and be hyphened or written together, halfhearted

go for check ups every six--You can write checkups together

decided on a coarse of action--Course is the right word here

Two minutes later I was stood on the pavement outside the hospital--Two minutes later, I still stood on the pavement outside the hospital.

the previous nights lack of sleep had left me--Night's should have an apostrophe to show ownership to the noun sleep

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT: NONE

         LIKES: This story is entertaining to read, an absolute delight with your witty comments and the descriptions were wonderful. I could picture exactly what you're trying to get across.

         DISLIKES: I found nothing to dislike.

FAVORITE LINE(S): I found a few favorite lines that I thought added to the story and I'll comment on why I think so.

          QUOTE HERE About 200 pigs, as they hung there all in neat rows, they had what looked like great big grins on their faces. I always imagined that they must have been telling each other jokes on the way over from the slaughter house, by the way they were all smiling at each other, just to pass the time I suppose.

          My Comment: I think you lightened the mood here for anyone who doesn't like to read about what happens to these animals, being squeamish or so. Your description and humor takes away from the seriousness of the situation.
I remember when I was around eight or so, my dad raised pigs. I was happy eating those delicious pork chops, ham and steaks. But one day I came home from school and saw our pigs in the back of Dad's truck all ready to be cut up. I know this must have been going on before and never noticed it. But this time I wasn't so lucky and that did it for me, I had a hard time eating pork until I grew up and didn't mind so much.

          QUOTE HERE The next day was the same scenario, get up, get ready, check the massive carbuncle on the side of my face, ignore it, go to work.

          My Comment: Now this would have scared me! I'm sorry, but to ignore something such as this surprises me. But it did make for a great story.

JUST MY PERSONAL OPINION: This quite a true story. It sounds as if you live life to the fullest. Maybe it made you a little more stronger in enduring that much pain. Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece.





Take care now, keep on writing, I’ll keep on reading,
Jeannie ** Image ID #1877210 Unavailable **