Hello namazanail!

I found your poem on the "Noticing Newbies - Read and Review a Newbie"  wall, I enjoyed reading it. I hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
I thought this was a good start a great poem. I like where you are going with this. The theme is interesting. However, I'm not convinced (yet) of how "desperate" the writer is to speak these unspoken words. I feel like there is some missing information. Perhaps there are a couple more stanzas in there to let us know what it feels like to hold all of that in?

Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter (as applicable):
It looks like free-verse. I thought you did a nice job with the line breaks, drawing attention to specific words for emphasis.

Favorite Part:


I hope I'm interpreting this correctly--please let me know if I've got it wrong. I thought it was neat how you are simultaneously wailing and remaining silent--as in holding those words in--at the same time. It's as if you can make the sounds, but you can't utter the words...and those words are painful to keep contained. Very nice.

Artistic Voice and Imagery:
I felt like you were telling me more about the "unspoken" versus showing me. I would like to feel how desperate you are to utter those hundreds of sentences that have been building up inside of you. What does it feel like to have words stuck on the tongue and not be able to say them? Do you salivate at the mere thought of releasing them? Do you feel parched because you're too nervous to let them go? What do you imagine it would feel like to finally be rid of these things that have burdened you? These are just a few questions that immediately come to mind.

Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics:
I'm definitely not an expert on grammar, but here are a few suggestions for areas that didn't flow of my tongue quite right:


I feel like there should be a comma after the first word.


Suggestion:

Too many to cry,
So desperate to utter,


I think the commas might be overused here. Perhaps you can try using periods at the end of the first two lines. Also, I think you can omit the punctuation at the end of the third line. Just a suggestion.

Lastly, it looks like you have a typo in there for the word "Waild," which should be spelled "Wailed."

Thank you for sharing your poem with us, and welcome to WDC! Glad to have you here.

Cheers!
~V

Disclaimer:
Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your poem. My feedback and suggestions are merely my opinion. Whatever another person says, whether positive or negative, is just their opinion.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .