Hi acemckean
I carefully read your story, here is my review. Congratulations on your two years with WDC.
Please remember, I'm a writer, just like you, and these are only my impressions. My ultimate goal is to be helpful and supportive. Thanks for sharing your work.



OVERALL SENSE: I love the opening hook to this story, it is a real attention getter! I had to read further to find out what it's all about. My curiosity always get the better of me. The second part of the story, forty years later, is where I became lose. The only resemblance between the two families was the middle name Rose, Avary's middle name. Nothing else clicked, the writing is great, the scenes were well written, but to what purpose became a question in my mind. Another father, David is gone is another similiar event between the two scenes, he died in Afghanistan. David, I believe is the baby from the first scene who grew up, has a family who now has to move because of a money situation. I know this is the first chapter and that you'll explain more about what is going on.

         TITLE: Rosenville Chapter 1 is a mystery town where strange events happen and of secrets that should be kept or else.

         STYLE/VOICE: The style and voice stays strong as strange events happen. it also has a supernatural element to it which the reader is clued into in the first scene when Steve finds out you can't kill them.

         SCENE/SETTING: The scene and setting takes place in a family home where the father is told they're coming. For some reason he knows that he won't make it through alive, but tells his wife and kids to escape.

         CHARACTERS: Steve and Lucinda with theri children David and Caroline are in danger from an unknown entity that want their secrets kept. The second scene has David, Charlotte, Avary and Kellan who are having problems getting along.

         PLOT: These supernatural being have the town in fear over some deep dark secret. Lucinda knows but can't tell what it is. Now another family in going to walk into this mess without knowing what is waiting for them.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING: I found a few spacing errors that I'll being to your attention.
bedroom door and hesitated.Lucinda veered around to--Spacing error
shadow had now doubled.But what she--Spacing error
kill them too.But they had--Spacing error
but at least she heard his voice afterwords--Afterwards instead of afterwords
here in about a hour--In about an hour

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT: NONE

         LIKES: I love supernatural stories. I love to read about the thrill of the unknown and really in out there in other author's minds.

         DISLIKES: NONE

FAVORITE LINE(S): I always find some favorite lines that clue me into what is going to happen in the story. I've quoted you on a few and will comment on why I feel this way.

          QUOTE HERE Steve shot up in bed like a rocket. He pulled back the covers and rushed over to the closet. “Lucy, get the kids and go.” He pulled out a 30” single barrel shotgun from behind the clothes.
They told me they would be coming, he thought.

          My Comment: Sometimes you come across lines that really stand out in your mind as meaningful. These lines above made that kind of statement to me. I have so many questions as to why and what is happening and they aren't getting answered.

          QUOTE HERE “Then why did you let them go?” he asked as the two other men were now present for the conversation.
She turned to face the inquiring man. “Because someday, Lucinda Rose is going to be very important to us.”

          My Comment: This is where you find out that the mystery to these strange events that have been happening lies with Lucinda. She knows what is going on and is afraid to speak out.

JUST MY PERSONAL OPINION: This first chapter touches on a lot of unanswered questions as to what these supposable supernatural being want and what they are trying to hide. It caught my interest and will read on. Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece.





Take care now, keep on writing, I’ll keep on reading,
Jeannie