Hi Esh Edgie
I carefully read your story, here is my review. Congratulations on your two years with WDC.
Please remember, I'm a writer just like you and these are only my impressions. My ultimate goal is to be helpful and supportive. Thanks for sharing your work.

OVERALL SENSE: This is a story that has you stumped all the way to the end. I was wondering what this light could be. Well, I know now and well done with the mystery. This story starts out with a great beginning hook and doesn't falter all the way to its conclusion.

         TITLE: The title, The Unfair Light, fits this storyline.

         STYLE/VOICE: The style is dark and mysterious while the voice stays strong and right on track to the end.

         SCENE/SETTING: The scene and setting stays unknown until the very end of the story. An unfair light is attacking and becomes painful.

         CHARACTERS: The character is unknown but is being attacked by this unrelenting light.

         PLOT: A mysterious light is beaming down on an unknown object that feels its heat.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING: I found a few errors that I would like to bring to your attention.
from distances to great to remember--Too needs one more "o" for emphasis
and watch while I do,create, harvest--Spacing error
numbers to great to countToo needs another "o" for emphasis
What knowledge of suffering do you poses?Did you mean the word possess here?

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT: NONE

         LIKES: I like the mysterious way this is written. Very good!

         DISLIKES: I found nothing to dislike.

FAVORITE LINE(S): I found a few favorite lines that give you clues to what is going on. I didn't catch it, but they are there. I'll quote you and then comment on why I liked them.

          QUOTE HERE: You stay in the skies and watch while I do,create, harvest.

          My Comment: One clue that I missed. This is very telling and I should have gotten it but no, I didn't.

          QUOTE HERE: You have no god sky demon! I have my queen at least. She shall outlive you. With me there will be others.

          My Comment: One more clue. You're very good. This is a well written little story.

JUST MY PERSONAL OPINION: Mysteries are my favorite and this story is added to my list. Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece.




Take care now, keep on writing, I’ll keep on reading,
Jeannie