Hi anastasia beyverhausen
I carefully read your story, here is my review.
Please remember, I'm a writer just like you and these are only my impressions. My ultimate goal is to be helpful and supportive. Thanks for sharing your work.

OVERALL SENSE: You definitely have a beginning hook that alerts the reader to what is going on. The body of the story moves along and clears up most of the questions that arises. Voices seem to dominant some people's mind as it does now with Peter. What a way to live, doing the bidding of whatever or whoever is plaguing Peter's mind! Now, I was not expecting that conclusion...

         TITLE: Peter - Peyter is the title to this story. It's not a come hither title but it definitely fits this storyline.

         STYLE/VOICE: The style and voice stays strong as the story takes a dark twist to an otherwise normal storyline between a husband and wife.

         SCENE/SETTING: The scene and setting takes place at Peter's and Helen's home. It's morning and Peter is getting ready for work.

         CHARACTERS: The storyline revolves around Peter and Helen as they have a strange morning chat where she finds him acting strange.

         PLOT: The story starts in the morning, Helen is vacuuming, doing the morning chores while Peter is getting ready for work. Everything moves along fairly normal until Peter grabs his head for the pain to reside.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING: I found no errors.

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT: NONE

         LIKES: I like the storyline, it's mysterious and weird, making both parties eyeball each other with vague acknowledgement. Helen senses Peter is acting strange and the voices are egging Peter on to do something he doesn't want to do.

         DISLIKES: I found nothing to dislike.

FAVORITE LINE(S): The favorite lines in this story that I've picked out are important. I'll tell you why I think so in my comments after your quotes.

          QUOTE HERE: "Your favorite necktie - you just asked me for it?" Helen was beginning to get impatient. Peter had been acting strange for weeks.

          My Comment: Now this would make me scratch my head too, wondering what is happening to her loving husband. What is happening, one minute he asked the question, the next minute he denying it.

          QUOTE HERE: Peter was not prepared for the searing pain in his head. The attack was so violent he fell to his knees. The pain, which left him as a teenager, had returned with a merciless vengeance.

          My Comment: Something is not right here and I could just imagine what is going through Helen's head at this very moment. I have a feeling Peter is being overtaken by something unexplainable.

JUST MY PERSONAL OPINION: These three hundred word stories have to move fast with developed characters and an interesting plot. I say you accomplished that very well. Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece.




Take care now, keep on writing, I’ll keep on reading,
Jeannie