It is my pleasure to review
"Shiny Blue Bike" 
This is a Showering Acts of Joy Member-to-Member Review

PLOT / STORY-LINE / THEME
This story brought me back to my first bike and my clumsiness at trying to balance the darn thing. Mom and Dad couldn't afford two bikes (one for me and one for my brother), so we, too, had to share the bike. In my case, it happened to be a boy's bike which they got for Danny. That bar down the middle made it even more difficult for me. But I remember the feeling of accomplishment when I finally mastered it. You awarded the piece a child-like quality and kept that particular voice throughout the story. That added to the charm of the story. I particularly liked the background story of the whole family bonding together to save their earned (or found) coins to help pay for the bike.
The following are my favorite lines. They reveal a deep insight, an impressive theme for a young girl:
It was my first experience at saving up for something. I learned that working for something you want and saving for it can be half the fun.


TITLE / DESCRIPTION OF ITEM
The title is a good hook for captivating the reader. I've learned that once a contest is over, it's a good idea to drop the announcement in the description that you wrote it for a contest. Let the creation of the story stand on its own merit as a unique item inspired by your memories. It's just a suggestion. You know best.


STRUCTURE / POV / CLARIFICATION
The story is well constructed as it moves the reader from the conception of purchasing a new bike to the climactic joy of actually riding the bike. You did a great job maintaining your point of view and consistently told the first-person narrative through the eyes of the main character.

I did notice one area of confusion when you wrote the following:
We bundled up with our new Christmas mittens and toboggans and ventured outside to give the new bike its first ride.
This sentence made me stop and wonder about a couple of things. Were the toboggans new like the Christmas mittens? If you and Peggy were going out to give the new bike a first ride, why would you take along sleds too? Hmm...


SETTINGS / CHARACTERS / DIALOGUE
The exposition of the settings was well balanced, allowing the reader to picture the characters' surroundings. The narrator's character was well rounded, revealing her love for her family, her determination to learn how to ride the bike, and her competitiveness at besting cousin Mickey.
The following line particularly touched me and demonstrated the rare selflessness and thoughtfulness of a child concerned about her parents' situation:
I knew a bike would be a big chunk out of Mom and Dad's budget.


GRAMMAR / PUNCTUATION / SPELLING
I was not surprised to find your work grammatically perfect. After all, you are the Punctuation Queen of WDC. I really searched diligently for errors but found none. I would like to mention one nit-picky issue I ran across, for your consideration.
You wrote:
There was no way I was going to let my "baby" cousin outshine me with my own bike.
Shouldn't the term baby be italicized rather than surrounded by quotation marks, or am I misinterpreting the rule that we should avoid using quotation marks to distinguish terms and words?


OVERALL COMMENTS
You have a unique skill for drawing your readers into the scenes and characters which flow from your memories as a child. Thank you, Pat, for sharing your talent with us. My suggestions and opinions are offered only in the spirit of helpfulness with no intentions of offense or disrespect of your hard work here.

  Winnie Kay  



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed"