*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/3759501
Review #3759501
Viewing a review of:
 Invalid Item  []

by A Guest Visitor
Review by A Non-Existent User
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

Hi, Candlemaker I found out your name on the "Showering Acts of Joy Porch"  and that it's your anniversary in September

so I looked up one of your stories *Reading* and I offer the following comments: *Reading*

*UmbrellaV* Overall Impression:
I liked this short story about a man who learns a life lesson. He gets furious in supermarket queues and in traffic when someone in front of him causes a delay. I believe this story is taken from personal experience and shows honesty and understanding of self. When the author is the subject of a hospital procedure that means his eyesight becomes not so good, he comes to appreciate the situation from the other side of the fence. He himself must take his time and is guilty of holding up other drivers and customers around him. I enjoyed reading this story and thought the ending was quite satisfying.

*UmbrellaV* Writing Style:
This narrative piece is told from the first person POV of the author. I thought the emotions that welled inside him were well described and that the story flows at a natural and easy pace. There is no dialogue and no other characters are described except from the viewpoint of how the author reacts to them. The story is none the worse for that.

*UmbrellaV* Writing Craft:

*Bulletv*There is nothing of major consequence that throws the reader out of the story. These are just a few observations that might help to tighten the word use, grammar and spelling.
*Bulletv*Yesterday I was in the parking lot of the super market.
'Supermarket' should be one word.
*Bulletv*. . .into the store; finished my shopping. . .
There is no need for a semi-colon here, a comma will suffice, since the subsequent part of the sentence is not an independent thought
*Bulletv*The cashier turnd on her blinking. . .
A simple typo here of 'turned'
*Bulletv*FINALLY I was back in my car heading home,
A comma is needed after 'finally', as it is an introductory word to the main sentence.

*UmbrellaV* I Liked:
*Bulletv*The part where he switches lanes in the supermarket, only to find that the delay here is even greater due to an unpriced item. I am sure that a lot of people have experienced the same frustration.
*Bulletv*The last paragraph, where the author is himself obliged to be more careful and slower than he used to be.

My opinions may not coincide with yours and that is fine, please feel free to ignore any suggestions you don't want. We are all of us on a learning curve and only you can decide what is best for your story.

Regards
sandybays

*RainbowL* Write On!! *RainbowR*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/13/2012 @ 5:31pm EDT
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/3759501