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Review #3759571
Viewing a review of:
 Liar  [E]
Flash Fiction entry 23/4/12
by Sapphire Aude
Review of Liar  
Review by A Non-Existent User
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

Hi, jadelette I found out your name on the "Showering Acts of Joy Porch"  and that it's your anniversary in September

so I looked up one of your stories *Reading* and I offer the following comments: *Reading*

*UmbrellaV* Overall Impression:
This is a story of jealousy and betrayal, played out in a piece of flash fiction that is a very satisfying read. The emotions of the central character play a large part here. Her two closest friends, Anton and Jenny, have formed a deeper bond of love. She feels left out, betrayed. Jealousy of their relationship leads to an instant of behaviour where she seeks revenge, leading to tragic consequences. I enjoyed reading this tale which, though short, has all the elements a good story needs.

*UmbrellaV* Writing Style:
The story is told from the 1st person POV of the main character, who is only identified as the 'liar'. The other two characters, Anton and Jenny, are thinly described in terms of how they affect the 'liar's' emotions. In a very short story this is to be expected. The pace is brisk, as the story begins with the 'liar's' feelings after her actions. Then, in 'flashback', the emotions she undergoes that motivate her are described and, finally, the lie that she tells that bring about a dreadful consequence. What little dialogue there is in this piece is well executed and believable.

*UmbrellaV* Writing Craft:
*Bulletv*I found no fault in grammar or spelling; this is a brilliantly executed piece.

*UmbrellaV* I Liked:
*Bulletv*The very first paragraph which describes how she is slinking away as the previous evening's events unfold in her mind.
*Bulletv*The description of Anton out on the icy lake, how the ice breaks beneath him is, for me, a vivid depiction.

My opinions may not coincide with yours and that is fine, please feel free to ignore any suggestions you don't want. We are all of us on a learning curve and only you can decide what is best for your story.

Regards
sandybays

*RainbowL* Write On!! *RainbowR*

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