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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/3777251
Review #3777251
Viewing a review of:
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by A Guest Visitor
Review of Picture Day  
Review by A Non-Existent User
In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello, my name is wizzie. *Fire*
*Devil* I've read your "Invalid Item"  , and want to share my thoughts; hoping that you will know that I encourage and appreciate your work. *Smile*
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*Stop*Please take what I write and know it is for you to do with as you wish.

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My Impression: Your poem was a reminder of that once a year "picture day" at school. Oh, how I hated that day! I tried so hard to look and feel pretty, when I wasn't and didn't.
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Thoughts: I think your words speak to many people who can relate to appearing one thing on the outside, when in fact inside, they are completely different. In this case, it is misery and unhappiness you write about that is covered up by appearing more pleasant.
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Suggestions: Although the message of your poem comes across clearly:
>I'm a little confused by the seeming contrast of a "free-style" and the attempt at an "AABB" rhyme scheme. The first stanza is actually my favorite because it flows a little smoother.
>There is a big difference between the cadence of the first and then remaining stanzas. The number of syllables differ, which causes the reader to stumble and change stride.
>You have a few typos that need to be fixed.
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Other: You have written a nice poem with a message many readers can relate to. With a little work and editing, it can become even more effective and a great read. Good luck!
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*SuitHeart* wizzie *SuitHeart*
www.fictionandverse.com

Thank you for sharing your talent. I wish you luck on your writing endeavors and please, please, Keep on writing!
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