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Review #3777277
Viewing a review of:
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by A Guest Visitor
Review by A Non-Existent User
In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello, my name is wizzie. *Fire*
*Devil* I've read your "Invalid Item"  , and want to share my thoughts; hoping that you will know that I encourage and appreciate your work. *Smile*
*Waterdrop* *Fire* *Waterdrop* *Fire* *Waterdrop* *Fire* *Waterdrop*

*Stop*Please take what I write and know it is for you to do with as you wish.

*Vine1* *Fire* *Vine2*

*Mic* Your story is profoundly touching and sad. It reveals massive challenges for someone so young. The incomprehensible results of illness, physical or mental, take a huge toll on the family; especially upon the children who have little power or control to change the outcomes.
*Vine1* *Fire* *Vine2*

From the beginning, I was caught up in the details of how this experience evolved, but was left with some questions.
*Bulletr* I would like to know more about how the new information your brother received caused your mother to decide to move from Maine to Colorado. Was it that Colorado would provide a better climate for his illness?
*Bulletr* After para 2, your father seems absent. Did he go to Colorado with your mother? Was he any form of support or stability for his children, or was this lost because of the mother's Bipolar disorder?
*Vine1* *Fire* *Vine2*

*Mic* You have recounted a heartbreaking experience that many people want to read and can relate to. When you write something so personal or emotional, sometimes the mechanics of writing can get lost. I offer a few suggestions:
*Bulletr* My brother always gets sick, so last year in january, He was told to go to National Jewish. My brother always gets sick. Last year in January, he was sent to National Jewish (Hospital?), where...
*Bulletr* typos in para 2: hesatent, finaly, forbid, dosent; hesitant, finally, forbade, doesn't
*Vine1* *Fire* *Vine2*

*Mic* As a gifted young writer, you have shared a story that begs to be read by many. I think it would be worthy of editing and fixing typos to become and even stronger read. Good luck!
*Waterdrop* *Fire* *Waterdrop* *Fire* *Waterdrop* *Fire* *Waterdrop*

*SuitHeart* wizzie *SuitHeart*
www.fictionandverse.com

Thank you for sharing your talent. I wish you luck on your writing endeavors and please, please, Keep on writing!
This has been a Member to Member Review for the:
Brainstormers Group.
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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 10/22/2012 @ 5:25pm EDT
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