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 Review #3777311 |
 | SQUIRRELY SQUIRREL (revised)  [E] A funny children's story about a squirrel weird behavior  |
| (4.0)| Hello mystic angel , my name is wizzie.   I read your "SQUIRRELY SQUIRREL (revised)" [E], and want to share my thoughts with you.    Please take what I write and know it is for you to do with as you wish.   This is a charming little story that I'm sure any child would love. It has plenty of action and offers a message that, "negative attention is better than none". Bogart surely picked Dezi for his entertainment, and because her reactions were exciting and offered him a challenge, he was a star. Although the story is good, the way it sits on the page makes it hard to read. I would suggest a blank line to separate the paragraphs as well as the dialogue and maybe the use of indentation. I noticed that many sentences stopped mid-page and continued on the next line. I'm not sure what might be the cause, but it is something to look at on the editing page. Overall, you have a really good story here that has interesting action. Some editing for form and appearance should increase it's appeal and readability. Good job! Thank you for sharing your talent. I wish you luck on your writing endeavors and please, please, Keep on writing! This has been a review affiliated with: ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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