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Review #3803112
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Review by KerrieAnnS
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: | (4.5)
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Title: "Invalid Item" 

Author: Beck Firing back up!

Reviewed by: KerrieAnnS

How I came by your work: Happy Anniversary my fellow SAoJ member *Bigsmile*

First Impression: What a lovely story! I'm all set for a traditional and cheesy Christmas poem (don't get me wrong I still like those) but then there is such a sentimental twist at the end; it just tugs on my heartstrings!

Rhythm: There is no detectable pattern throughout this piece but you do maintain a 4 syllable maximum on each line. This makes the rhythm fast and upbeat lending a happy tone.

Flow: I think the flow is good, however I think punctuation may have aided you as some lines don't flow so readily into others. Particularly the line "all three". /c}

Word Choice: In order to maintain your syllable count/ short line structure, you have used the word 'neath. I like the use of its word, and it's not just because it facilitates the structure of the poem, but because it has a feel of old language which is so oft used in christmas stories.

Rhyme: You have a rhyming structure of ABCBDEFE.... It is a easy going rhyming structure lending almost a singalong nature to the poem. You adhere to it well and it fits the theme.

Emotional Reaction: This is a heartwarming piece, it's easy to forget about those who are suffering at Christmas when we are surrounded by so much merriment.

Theme: The obvious theme is Christmas, but the core theme here is a family torn apart by war is brought together for the holidays.

Grammar, Punctuation, and Spelling:It is just my opinion but I think I would put punctuation in these places.

Christmas morning
Shines bright
To the children’s
Delight.
The tree
Stands tall
But the presents
And all
Fail to
Compare
To what else
Sits there,
He waits
‘Neath the tree
For his children,
All three.
Dad’s home
From the war
They’re a family
Once more.

Beginning and End: We start with a traditional Christmas morning; children delighted, tree with presents underneath etc. But then we twist, there is something more important to children than presents? On Christmas day? He? Is he Santa? No wait, it's better than Santa, it's their father!

What I liked most: The overriding message, which I perceived as; do not take your family for granted, there are others out there who cannot be with theirs on Christmas.

Suggestions: I would just suggest that you consider using some punctuation.

Conclusion: A wonderful poem, for a great contest might I add (I take part in the Writers Cramp as well, partly what drew me to this piece). Lovely sentiment and a powerful message. Thank you for writing!

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