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Review #3825579
Viewing a review of:
Arlene  [E]
Rhythm & Rhyme Contest Entry - Jun 2010 - Rondel Form
by Jeff
Review of Arlene  
Review by A Non-Existent User
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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(Disclaimer: any opinions are strictly my own, to do with as you will. Keep what you find helpful, toss the rest with yesterday's paper)

I find Rondel form highly frustrating. As such, it's no surprise that I prefer the original piece to the 'true' Rondel. The story is more developed in the original work, and I find the original final line to be more poetic and fitting.

I appreciate your decision to post both works. Being able to see where the edits occured is an interesting experience.

The diction in these is very poetic. The title is adequate, but not as strong as that of some of you other works.

I particularly enjoyed the ABSOLUTE of love and commitment as illustrated in the phrase 'all of forever'

In both works, I found the phrase 'verdant green' to be redundant (as verdant is defined green in and of itself. This is akin to saying 'ebony black', a personal pet peeve). In your official entry, it was more so, as it is a repeated phrase.

I have noted no technical errors.

Thankyou for another well-written piece. Write On!


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