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Review #3825628
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Review by Jeff
Rated: | (3.5)
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Hi nicholson -

As a newer member of this site, I wanted to take a moment to welcome you to Writing.Com. Today is actually my 10th anniversary of being a member here, and I'm celebrating by hosting "SoCalScribe's 10th Anniversary Gala"  and giving away several prizes throughout the day. I've selected you as a recipient of one of 10 reviews I'm handing out today, which also comes with 10,000 Gift Points for you to spend as you please. *Smile*

I'm enclosing the following review for your consideration, but please keep in mind that these comments are my opinion only, and you as the author have the right to use or disregard any of them as you see fit.


WHAT WORKED

*Bullet* There was a really great sense of style to this piece. It had a unique voice and was both funny and dramatic at the same time. You did a great job introducing each of the unique characters one (or two) at a time while still making it feel like we were watching a story unfold. *Thumbsup*

*Bullet* I enjoyed the choice to go with the second-person perspective. It's not often featured in stories, which I think is what helped yours really stand out. You put the reader in the perspective of the protagonist which I think helps keep them engaged.


WHAT COULD BE IMPROVED

*Bullet* TYPO: "Tell you what, you just bring your hot little "tush" back here anytime for a visit."

*Bullet* While the "tour" part of the story went really well, I found myself detaching a bit at the end because we (the protagonist) have a course of action prescribed for us. The real power of second-person perspective is making the reader feel like they're experiencing the narrative. When you then direct the audience, they can sometimes be pulled out of the narrative if those actions don't match up with their own inclinations in that particular scene. I would suggest leaving it just a little more open-ended to encourage the reader to fill in the blanks on their own. *Smile*


OVERALL IMPRESSION

Overall, I enjoyed reading this item. It was very stylish and entertaining and you did a great job structuring it to give the reader an insider's perspective on each of the unique characters that make up Redneck Road. *Thumbsup*


I hope that you've found my comments useful. Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your material, and again, welcome to Writing.Com! If you'd like to introduce yourself over at "SoCalScribe's 10th Anniversary Gala" , please feel free to click on the link or the image at the bottom of this review and stop by to say hello! *Bigsmile*

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,


SoCalScribe

Please check out these items:
"Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 
"The Dark Society" 
"Blogocentric Formulations" 

Logo for SoCalScribe's 10th Anniversary Gala activity.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 02/15/2013 @ 8:00pm EST
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/3825628