Hi Vandal.

Review of The Hangover III.

As you go through the reviews, please let me know if you would like me to focus on specific items or concepts and I'll be happy to. If there's anything unclear or you need clarification on; email me - That's what I'm here for. Anything I quote from your story will show up in blue, so you will know where I'm referencing. I hope you find something in here useful.


General Comments & Overall Impression:

The very first sentence grabbed me. Excellent imagery and smooth writing style. The first paragraph really set a great picture and tone quickly.

Jeremy raised his right arm and sniffed at his armpit
I chuckled at this line - awesome visual picture Jeremy's confusion as he tries to figure out what's happening.

The large bits chunks taken from the pair was a fast, unexpected jolt. Clearly shown even in their disbelief. Nicely done.

Other shoe falls when the gas station attendant is brought in with an observation and odd behavior.


Conclusion:

I loved this flash fiction bit - You ended it with in such a way, my mind is filling in all kinds of possibilities. Thanks for sharing it.

I tend to pick at things since those are usually the best reviews I get back. Feel free to email with questions. I'm also always happy to go back and look at any changes you want me too.

WMarsch

deadstroke@writing.com

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