OVERALL SENSE: At first I thought Rebecca was a hen-picker. It seemed Jim didn’t want to talk to her and if she was going to say “Are you listening to me” one more time, I was going to scream. Now, I know the reason behind all this is sadness and became my ahh ha moment.

         TITLE APPEAL: “Are you Listening to Me?” is the title of this story.

The description underneath reads: “A voice struggle to break through the silence of grief.”

         STYLE/VOICE: The style of this story is tragedy, death, and supernatural.

The voice stays strong as we follow along with Rebecca as she makes her morning rounds, pausing at Amanda’s door, then onward to the master bedroom.

         TONE/MOOD: The tone calm, encouraging, and sympathetic. Rebecca is hoping her voice will penetrate through Ted’s sadness.

The mood is loving, peaceful, and optimistic. Once again Rebecca knows Ted needs all the encouragement that she can give him. If only…

         SCENE/SETTING: The scene and setting takes place at Jim’s home as Rebecca catches him asleep and tries to wake him up.

         CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: Each character is well-defined
Rebecca— She wants to move on, but is worried about Ted. She’s hoping that he would respond to her encouragements today.
Ted— He is going through a traumatic experience. Rebecca is hoping he’ll finally respond today.
Jim— A friend and partner from the precinct who wishes Ted would return, they need him to get back on the job.

Personality: Ted’s sad and lost. Rebecca needs to move on but is worried about Ted. Jim needs Ted’s input on the job and his friendship. They are all trying hard to bring things back to normal.

Motivation: Mainly, the motive is to bring Ted back from his sadness, so he can live life to the fullest once again.

         PLOT: Well thought out and well written.

Structure: The opening scene seemed so loving and natural until Ted wakes up. Then you know something is terribly wrong. Each scene that follows, they are all written so well. They made me respond to the story and root for Ted, hoping he would respond to something. Especially, when Jim explained a little bit about what is going on. There was a spark there that showed interest.

Development: The story moved along at a smooth pace as I started to figure out the certain things that were bothering me.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING/SENTENCE STRUCTURE: Everything is perfect and correct.

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT: NONE

         LIKES: This story is so sad. I liked how you wrote it. Whenever somebody gets this far down and can’t see their way out, friends like Jim is needed to show that there is still a world out there that needs you.

         DISLIKES: NONE

FAVORITE LINE(S): I did have some favorite lines that I would like to highlight. I'll explain why I like them and how they added to the story.

          QUOTE HERE: The empty wine carafe on the counter displayed a prismatic glow of orange and yellow hues as dawn erupted through the east window over the kitchen sink. She looked out at the road leading to town and the ice-capped mountain shrouding the deep ravine below. She thought back to that particular sunrise two months ago. Her heart ached with a need to move on. Maybe I can get him to hear me today.

          My Comment: This beginning is so well described. I was wondering what Rebecca meant when I read this. It became a whole lot clearer as I read further. When I got through reading the story, I came back to reread this beginning paragraph. Some people would stop at describing the dawn. You took it one step further by describing how the rays made the empty wine carafe on the counter change in color.

JUST MY PERSONAL OPINION: I can see where Ted is coming from, first he had a happy family life full of laughter and joy. Now, each day he’s faced with the same emptiness and it takes a lot of strength to come back out of it. That’s when you do need friends. Thank you for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece.



Take care now, keep on writing, I’ll keep on reading,
Jeannie




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .