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 Review #3922500 |
 Billy Wigglestick's   Sonnet Contest Review!   3  10 1Schemed Quatrains Iambic Beats Rhyming Couplet Note from Billy  Note about judging: this is a very subjective contest. You may not agree with me.    Your Group! 1. "Invalid Item"  This is you!2. "Invalid Item" 3. "Invalid Entry" 4. "A Story, A Poem and An Image" 5. "Invalid Item" Billy Likes:  Creativity: A sonnet about beast, from beauty and the beast, is so not what I was expecting when I provided that prompt - which kudos on you for using by the way. I was blown away at the creativity of the theme, as as my first entry into the contest I was very excited to have been so profoundly surprised. Thank you for that, it was an instant way of knowing I am doing the right thing here. Use of Form:My breath smells of the rotting fish and cream, <<-- part good, part bad. Good: 'breath smells' are both strong - but in this case it works, whether intentional or not, to provide a strength to the speaker that informs his authority. As if he's taking his time to breathe on you while speaking. Bad news is, 'the' rotting fish doesn't make sense. My suggestion is going to take some knowledge of the sonnet. You can consider the beat between 'breath' and 'smells' as a caesura, or a rest, and then take out 'the'. A caesura is sort of like a rest in music - the beat is silence.... "My breath / smells of rotting fish and cream." The performer would then elongate the 's' sound, or take a rest, and give character to the presentation. As if there was nothing he could do to make his breath better, and he hates it. Word Choice:My skin is bumpy rough as is a gourd. -- great visual, sensual, tactile description. And it fits smoothly. Overall Impression:   - I had a great time reading this in spite of the flaws to the form. I think you have a gift for visualization and for thinking outside the box and I hope you consider the edits I make below to get the rating up. 500 GPs reward for using the prompt I put up. I hope you continue to enter more rounds - I will be providing an optional prompt for round 3 that comes with a GP reward for using. That, I think, is a great way to compromise between getting more entries and inspiring others to do something they wouldn't normally do. Thank you for suggesting to me to keep the prompts.  Billy Hates:  Stumbling Points:To nightmar'sh dreams often I you have sent. <-- I know how difficult it can be to make these thoughts work. But look: 'To nightmar'sh dreams I often have you sent.' - the same words you wrote just in a different order. I know you don't intend to indicate that the beast himself intends to put people into nightmares, but he does send them unwittingly. Lack of a Peripeteia: Poor Flow:An ugly beast to fill children with fear, <-- 'fill children' breaks the scansion, 'fill chil' are both strong. 'fill your kids', or 'fill the young', for example, preserve the rhythm. Forced Rhymes:Deep inside lies a prince you'll find right friendly, A man more honor'ble than the bravest knight. <-- you almost made it to the end without having to get convoluted. Both of these lines are off scansion and would require a bit of work before making them ten beats and fit the flow of the sonnet. I have no doubt that you can do this, though. These two lines are almost forced - but still seem genuine in attempt. Tighten them up. Whack it with a wrench, as I like to say.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 11/12/2013 @ 4:04pm EST