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Review #3922512
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Review by Solivagus
In affiliation with Merry Misfits of WDC  
Rated: | (4.0)
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*Writing* Billy Wigglestick's *Writing*
*Leaf1**Leaf2* Sonnet Contest Review! *Leaf2**Leaf1*

*Staro**Starbl**Staro*
3 *Bullet* 10 *Bullet* 1
Schemed Quatrains *Bullet* Iambic Beats *Bullet* Rhyming Couplet


*Check3* Note from Billy *Down*
Note about judging: this is a very subjective contest. You may not agree with me.

*Mustachel**Mustacher*
*Pointright*Your Group!*Pointleft*
*Down**Down**Down*
*Pointleft* This is you!

*Check3* Billy Likes:
*Bulletg*Creativity:
*Bulletg*Use of Form:
*Bulletg*Word Choice: now glazing o’er your pale and lovely eyes <-- I enjoy the use of 'pale and lovely eyes'. Pale is not typically a word used to describe lovely eyes - unless they be pale blue - but this vague descriptor sounds morbid with lovely, and that works for the theme of the piece.
*Bulletg*Overall Impression:*Star**Star**Star**Star* It's not every day we hear a love poem from the point of view of an abusive boyfriend. At least, that is what I read - and I liked it. I enjoyed how you dared to make him enjoy the effects he has on her as signs of her beauty. He uses the effects of his abuse as markers to how pretty she is. Gah, dark. Devious. Just a few weak points but overall a nice submission. Here is a 500 GP reward for using the (now) optional prompt. I will continue to provide a prompt that people may choose to optionally use for a GP reward just for submitting.

*Checkr* Billy Hates:
*Bulletr*Stumbling Points: You have no reason to ever believe <-- Sort of an english thing here, you shouldn't split up a verb, with an adverb. 'ever to believe' is both more grammatically 'correct' (i hate that phrase) and also fits the flow of the scansion better than 'to ever' because 'reason to ever' breaks the flow.
*Bulletr*Lack of a Peripeteia:
*Bulletr*Poor Flow:my love for you is stronger than each tear <-- 'than each tear' are all strong, consider replacing 'each' with a weaker word like 'the' and it can preserve the scansion and not change the meaning of the next line.
*Bulletr*Forced Rhymes:

Thank you for joining me on this wacky ride through sonnet land. I hope to see you again, keep an eye out for the round ending email.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 11/12/2013 @ 10:15am EST
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/3922512