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 Review #3949852 |
| A2WdC   This addicted 2 WdC review is just for you.  I am reviewing your work as a disABILITY WRITERS GROUP family member, as a PDG member graduate of the Rockin' Review Academy & "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  This review is given on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group"  WHY I'M REVIEWING FOR YOU  A2WdC This addicted 2 WdC review is just for you. Group/purpose: This gift is just for you so you can write with might and gift delight to readers through out WDC with confidence and best ability! Title: Down At The LocalDidn't give any idea except to wonder what local? I was curious, so decided the see if the description woul help me decide if I wanted to read your word or look for something else to read and review. I wasn't disappointed. Description: A threatening text lures me out...I could discern you were referring to a text message. Many possibilities went through my mind as I thought about luring someone out of exactly what, home, business, hiding place, basement, and possibly out of town or the country. I felt that there was something evil or ominous or at the very least dangerous for someone. This was enough for me to want to investigate about your word art further.  FIRST IMPRESSIONS  I LIKE What and why: Nice opening of the scene to start off this story. plot: When I first read your word art, I followed the story without a hitch/no problems. I just reread your story and found myself getting lost when finishing the second paragraph. This is probably because I'm tired. I did a reread again and am now on track with full understanding. the opening in the present and then followed in the next paragraph a picture of the past makes this story interesting and gives the reader information about the person telling the story and history of his life. Then back to the present again, a very nice transition to continuing the story. The mysterious message, character waiting for someone, and a fire are the making of a mystery story which can be expanded in both the beginning and the ending. The middle would need some history and environment to help fill in information which would give the reader a mystery to enjoy, that is if this is what you would want to do. This story is great as a short story. It can be a very nice novelette if you are interested in giving readers more mystery. I enjoy mysteries and you have a good one here. I hope you either expand this story, or write a mystery novel, or write more mystery short stories. Rhythm: The pace and rhythm, for me, was a leisurely one which I enjoyed. There was some raise of emotions because of the possibility of harm coming to this person in the pub, yet it wasn't so much that the relaxed reading experience was disturbed. The sentences flowed nicely for and there were no glitches which would have caused uneven reading or hesitation, rereads before finishing a sentence, or anything that would give me to bump in the road reading experience. I enjoyed reading your story and did not have to work to have understanding and a picture of what was happening.  OBSERVATION(S) I like and enjoyed what I read because it was like watching a movie rather than reading.  QUESTION(S) Is the message from someoner who cares a huge amount for the person in the pub waiting? Or, could a family member be trying to save a family member? Another possibility is for the fire started to want to save this person for some reason--a mystery on top of a mystery.  SUGGESTIONS AND COMMENTS: Mystery on top of mystery on top of mystery is how I see this potential novel. My thoughts and ideas which may be of interest to you:  CONCLUSION(S) Somewhere on the underside of one of the wooden tables scattered throughout the dimly lit room was my name, scratched in with the blade of a small knife on my very first visit.Scattered throughout the dimly lit room, somewhere on the underside of one of the wooden tables, was my name which, on my very first visit, I scratched in with the blade of a small knife. This puts the dimly lit room and the tables together as part of the picture. Then, The (what) name, (who) I (when) first visit (did what}scratched in: (tool) blade of small knife. For me this ties together the information in relationships. The room and tables are connected. The first visit connects all of this action, so it is possible to put this information at the beginning of the sentence. Actually, now that I've reread this sentence which I constructed, the name and the scratching in with the blade should go together. This certainly is a matter of opinion, so I wouldn't want you to make a change which would take away from the character--(not person)--of your story. My thoughts and Impressions: I had a suspicion about the note and Him being warned to leave and go to Hannigan's Pub that it was possibly: 1. meet me or I'm coming to get you 2.stay away or lose your life 3.be there so we can meet and not worry about each other doing something to one of us When I read a mystery, I'm thinking about who could have, why, how, and the motivation. I enjoy the challenge of trying to figure out details before I read about them. I'm very glad to have been able to read your word and review for you. Safe travels and many blessings. This review is given on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group"    Paper Doll Gang review, "Invalid Item" especially for you.   HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"    The "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" are out in force today raiding the ports of WDC for WDC 13th anniversary! Please enjoy!  Welcome to WDC from all of us at "Invalid Item"  Join us for some coffee and conversation in the "Invalid Item" You are being reviewed by "Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS" [E]! Feel free to check us out to find out our purpose on Writing.Com. ** Image ID #1533880 Unavailable ** My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" The WDC Army Angels  Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 01/29/2014 @ 11:10pm EST