%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #3958085 |
 | Invalid Item  [] |
| (4.0)| Review especially for you.  This review is given on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group"  WHY I'M REVIEWING FOR YOU  Group/purpose: This gift is just for you so you can write with might and gift delight to readers through out WDC with confidence and best ability! Title: The Gremlin and II remember seeing a movie, now what is the name, which had gremlins. I decided to see what this gremlin did and the reactions it and your dad had to each other. Description: The story of how my dad met a real gremlin during WWII My father was in Italy during WWII, as a soldier in the army. I should be able to follow and relate to this story which is why I decided to read your word art. One more bit of information, I have multiple disABILITIES. "disABILITY WRITERS GROUP" We would welcome you as a family group member whenever you decide you want to join us.   FIRST IMPRESSIONS Unique and interesting story and gremlin.  I LIKE What and why: The gremlin in the plane seemed to have a relationship of attachment because of the fighter, plane, P-38 I'm not certain which is correct seems to be an unusual situation. I wonder why the gremlin is attach and is the gremlin had been attached to the P-38? I enjoy mysteries and this seems to be a mystery which I would have wanted to read if there was information about this. Perhaps you will write a fiction story about this and make it a mystery. plot: The gremlin in the plot seems to be as desperate as the people fighting off the enemy. There are destructive and good gremlins, however, the destructive ones can create such a massive mess of things, that I wonder if the truth of the situation is actually realized. This gremlin could have if not so desperate, caused so much trouble, that the plane and the crew could have been killed rather than survive. You did a good job of communicating this in the story. The realistic dimensions and actions of this story kept me interested and wanting to continue reading. The characters seemed real and the gremlin almost seemed to be human. The background events were as close as far as my knowledge base information seems to be authentic. Rhythm: As the story unfolded and I progressed from scene to scene, I experienced a smooth transition. The dialog required more focus because of the way the words were used and some words were a bit different as in the way people express themselves slightly from the normal, so I slowed my pace and sometimes reread some of the information. I enjoyed reading this story because the word art is from the heart and shows real character.  OBSERVATION(S) The heat must have been intense enough to fry an egg.  QUESTION(S) Have you thought about expanding this story? You wrote something which has much potential for more growth and I believe that there is more to this story which will be told if given the room for it to become a longer story.  SUGGESTIONS AND COMMENTS: Please continue sharing your unique writing talent and writing voice. My thoughts and ideas which may be of interest to you: ...Libyan Desert it made staying in the tail gunner... ...Libyan Desert which made staying in the tail gunner... or you can stop at the word Desert and start a new sentence with Staying in the tail gunner, etcetra. When you do this the words work well together and the flow and rhythm of the thoughts are connected and have a greater meaning. I saw the planes coming from the side I had just swiveled to. I had just swiveled to my right when I saw the planes coming from the side . He still looking at me said, He was looking at me (how?) and said, ...more water. I replied, “If you’re... ...more water, then replied, “If you’re... He jumped down after carefully setting the water canteen cap down. Carefully jumping down after setting the water canteen cap down he...did what? This shows rather than telling the action. Also By changing the beginning words you are providing variety and interest to the reader. He jumped down after carefully setting the water canteen cap down. Carefully He jumped down after setting down the water canteen cap. I enjoy moving words around in a story to find the best possible fit for words in a sentence. When you show the details of a story action, event, or character it is a good practice to decide which form you will use, such as first person, or perhaps third person. My understanding is that third person could be someone like a narrator, or for the first person someone like the main character who is telling the story.  CONCLUSION(S) This story reminded me of my father and his stories. My thoughts and Impressions: Thank you for sharing this awesome story with me. The part about the gremlin disappearing when the gunner looked up is a typical event in this kind of story, however, it fits here and works. You could consider an alternate ending by using the same idea and changing the words to show what happens. Because I must rate this story, I choose to rate it based on errors, typos, and editing needs, rather than the other aspects. The content, presentation of characters, events, and other items are not necessarily considered. Your story has value, action, a variety of interactions, and all around pleasing and inviting ideas scenes, and alot of interesting character and intrigue. The word art can be very colorful and bright with some editing. I'm certain that you will add more color and give readers something which will have them hanging on every word. Thank you for sharing your word art with me and allowing me to review for you. Safe travels and many blessings. This review is given on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group"   Welcome to WDC from all of us at "Invalid Item" You are being reviewed by "Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS" [E]! Feel free to check us out to find out our purpose on Writing.Com.My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed"  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
|
|||
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You ignored this review.