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 Review #3958648 |
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| (4.0)| Review especially for you.  This review is given on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group"  WHY I'M REVIEWING FOR YOU  Group/purpose: This gift is just for you so you can write with might and gift delight to readers through out WDC with confidence and best ability! Title: Survivor of Ploesti Bombing MissionI checked the word (Ploesti) to see if indeed there was information about it and the bombings. I found a huge amount of historical information, pictures, and map(s) which are related to this event. Now, I know for certain that I had to read your word art. Description: A survivor's story from one of the few survivorsYour description and researching this information helped me make my decision, however, for readers whop may not do research about this, they may decide based on the description to move onto reading another story.  FIRST IMPRESSIONS By my spirit I had no doubts that this story is true because I've heard other stories of miracles which have allowed people to survive horrific events.  I LIKE What and why: You included your fathers name as tribute to him. I did not find your father in this list: http://www.ploesti.com/roster.pdf plot: I thought you would be interested in this information. http://www.greenharbor.com/ROHPDF/ROHAU43.pdf http://www.lipper.cc/8th_AF/pages/TidalWaveRoster.html http://www.lipper.cc/8th_AF/pages/ploesti.htm http://homeofheroes.com/wings/part2/09_ploesti.html I found some links which I thought you would be interested in because Your story about the raid and how your father was involved is very good, yet having more information may help you share more details with readers. I like this story which you used the tools of an artist to your share word art and giving pictures of the events so I did further research and wanted to share with you what I found. As I read your word art and learned about your father and the raid, I was able to picture in my mind the events and scenes. Reading true stories which have hero's and history help me to know about the past and how the past has shaped the future. For this reason I held onto every word and watched the movie in my mind as I was reading. What is near and dear to me about this story is the part which shows me how the plane and crew managed to return from this horrific raid. I believe that God had His hand on the situation. He help this crew and the plane get away and manage to arrive home. This to me is a miracle which according to your description had to have a divine all powerful God to keep them flying and able to land just before the plane fell apart more. I'm glad your dad survived his time fighting in the war for his country and so that he could survive and return home. Rhythm: I had a smooth reading experience and there were no serious bumps or glitches which disturbed the progress of me reading this story. A good way to speed up or slow down the action is to change the length of the sentences. To make the action progress faster write shorter sentences when and where needed. For slowing down the action write longer sentences.  OBSERVATION(S) Your dad did a wonderful job in service to his country, family, and all of us who are free to enjoy our freedom in this country.  QUESTION(S) Are you still researching this historical event? {middle half of the plane} is this from front to back, or left to right? It seems to me according to what you wrote that the pilot and bombadear are on one side of the plant one above the other. The tail gunner is in the back of course near the tail. So the middle may be the middle which I wonder if the plane had any stability and strength? Also, if this is exactly the case it would depend on how much of the middle was blown away. I write this because I want to understand what happened, how, and why. (oak leaf cluster) is what and for what? The (fifty-cal live round) should be explained to readers so that they know what this. Why did you decide to use "cal" instead of caliber? Something else which some readers may not know is the meaning of live round. Why not use the word (ammunition) along with the rest of the words in the sentence? (that train of death) is an actual train? If so did it have the ordinance and ability to shoot down enemy aircraft? By adding an explanation about what, and how (that train of death) is and works you will be able to show the reader detailed word pictures of the events in your story. In the next paragraph you mention more information about the train of death and the rails it was using being destroyed which helps give the reader a better picture of this situation.  SUGGESTIONS AND COMMENTS: Please keep the history alive and coming.  My thoughts and ideas which may be of interest to you: My father doesn’t talk about it much but one day as I was reading my book about the raid over Ploesti. My father tol... My father doesn’t talk about it much but one day as I was reading my book about the raid over Ploesti, my father tol... this connects the related parts so that you have a complete sentence. My father told me that Ploesti was a crucial military target. He said this as he passed me by on the way to his bedroom. My father told me that Ploesti was a crucial military target, as he passed me by on the way to his bedroom. The book tells or shows would be batter choices rather than talked because books are written and therefore do not speak. I would change a few words in the sentence about the live round. Placing (which he took) he had taken into the sentence would make it flow better. The word (had) is past tense, so you do not have to use it through out the sentence. Using other past tense words in the sentence such as flew, would continue to show the reader that this is in the past. He had a fifty-cal live round he had taken from the remains of his B-17 he had flown in as a tail gunner. He had a fifty-cal live round he took from the remains of his B-17 he flew in as a tail gunner. I humbly make all of these suggestions so that you will have help and divine intervention together to give this story the honor and visibility it must have to honor the men who went above and beyond the call of duty to fight for our country and the world. Another change(s) you can make whic I believe will make a big and better word picture of this event is to use the word (he) at the beginning of the sentences. You could use your fathers rank and name, His first name, all of his name without the rank, or the words (my father), or you could rearrange the words in the sentences so that you have different words which start the sentences. As far as I can tell this is a true story. The only fiction part is the B-24 he still to his death claims he rode their B-17 in to that bombing raid. According to what my father told and the evidence which I was shown, this is a true story. The only part which may be fiction is the B-24, he still to his death, claims he rode their B-17 in to that bombing raid. This part of the story is confusing partly because of the sentence structure and I believe you may have placed (B-24), where you should have placed (b-17} In the beginning of your story you stated that the B24 is the plane used for the raid. The B-17 was used for training. Oops, I got it backwards! Your father used the B24 for training or other purpose, and the B-17 is the plain he rode into the raid as the tail-gunner, did I get this straight now? This is his entire story I remember that my dad Stanley Edward Owings told me about his days during that bombing mission to Ploesti. I remember clearly that my dad, Stanley Edward Owings, told me his entire story about his days during that bombing mission to Ploesti which.... you may want to write (I will never forget. or that I hold dear to my heart, or which i researched and found to be true and have documented here for you. or that research has proven is correct and true. Any of these endings will bring the reader closer to the story emotionally. It will give them an idea about how you feel having discovered this story as told by your father. These are thoughts and suggestions I wanted to share with to bring honor and full life to this story for your father and the other men who sacrificed much for their country and the war effort.  CONCLUSION(S) This is an amazing and super wonderful story which I enjoyed reading and learning about. My thoughts and Impressions: I could feel and believe that this story is true and factual as much as you know and have information to share with readers. Your pride and love for your father for all that he did for the war effort shows through how you tell the story and the way you use words to show a picture of the events. My belief is strong that if you do more research you will find more information about your fathers activities during the war and be able to share them extremely well with people who want to read about this topic and anyone who has an interest in history. There are other readers who may want to study about this raid or this war so they may want to read about your fathers story. For these reasons I showed you how your writing effected me so that you can make this the very, very best presentation of this story possible. You have a writing voice which is uniquely yours and I strongly suggest that you do not change it because of my suggestions. I hope that as you find something you may want to change or add to that you give this a lot of thought before you make changes. Another good practice is when you make major editing changes, you should keep a copy of the original story. This way after you complete these changes, and you discover that the story has drastically change so that it is no longer your story, you can go back and refer to the original and either keep it as is, or make fewer changes which will not effect what is most important. Please let me know if you have any questions or if there is something I can do to help you with the presentation of this story such as reading a rewrite and commenting for you. I am truly thrilled that I found your story and read and reviewed it for you. I salute your father and the people who made their sacrifices for this important event. They all are heroes in many ways as far as I am concerned. They gave of their time and themselves. God helped many during their trials and was with many during critical times. I hope we do not have any more events such as this or similar. You have the makings of a novel. Hopefully you will write about you and your family, including your fathers service during the war. When you decide to embark on this adventure, please let me know, much thanks in advance. May God be with you and your family, and have safe travels and many blessings. Thank you Lord for taking care of us and being mindful of us, amen.  This review is given on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group"   Welcome to WDC from all of us at "Invalid Item" You are being reviewed by "Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS" [E]! Feel free to check us out to find out our purpose on Writing.Com.My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed"  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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