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Review #3972276
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Review by Nixie
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: | (4.5)
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Hi! I saw your story posted on the Newsfeed and wanted to offer a few thoughts. *Reading*

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Overall Impression
You are amazing at writing an opening paragraph. The word choices and sentence length created a tempo that both relaxed and drew me into the story. The scene you painted was vivid, and your primary character was introduced.

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Plot/Setting/Characters
The plot flowed easily. First, I was comfortable thinking of this as a fable and was lulled into a children's fantasy story. The gradual shift in perspective was both smooth and startling. Sentence by sentence, the truth was revealed, and honestly, I was on Ralph's side. I didn't want the fairy tale to go away.

I was disturbed when Ralph talked about the doctors hurting him until he agreed with their "lies." How did they hurt him? ECT is not painful because the patient is given analgesia and muscle relaxants.

You're a whiz with words throughout the entire piece, and there are too many striking moments to comment on. Authors avoid using same word repetition, but sometimes it works brilliantly.
grew as his footsteps grew loud.

Word repetition and alliteration combined made this another stand-out sentence.
He lied like those liars, like his parents, and like Bruce.

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Fine Tuning ▼

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Parting thoughts
You have composed an eloquent and poignant story. I enjoyed contemplating all the nuances and coming to terms with what felt right to me. The story is open for interpretation. Skillfully and expertly composed. *Checkb*

~Nixie


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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/01/2014 @ 6:46am EDT
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