Overall Impressions:

This is quite the mysterious poem, I'm left wondering who this girl is as well and why you dream of her, and is it insanity or are even the white coated men figments of a demented mind?


Form:


You have fulfilled the requirements of this contest, which were to write in free-verse "form".


Imagery:


The image I am left with is of a man that has broken the line between sane and insane. Is it because of this girl he dreams of? I do not know. I'm not sure if it even matters. But I see him running and I picture him searching for her finding her and losing her all in a few moments pass. As the poem progresses my mind sees the picture of a man more out of touch with reality than I originally thought.



Favorite Parts:



I love this part as it is the moment I realize something is just not right with this man.

Suggestions:

My only suggestion would be a but more clear in the end... was he actually on the beach when he was taken away or was that part of his delusion? Perhaps you meant for us to wonder, now that I think about it.

Also the following stanza:



It's a bit repetitive with rock in it 3 times, this may have been done on purpose but I felt in reading it that if you change the first "rock" into something different, it wouldn't feel so redundant.

Additional Comments:

Nicely done, this poem had a bit of a dark feel to it and was psychological. I love that. I got chills after the last stanza. Thanks so much for your entry and good luck in the contest!

I enjoyed reading your work and hope my review was helpful and encouraging!!!

A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " !
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