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Review #3978090
Viewing a review of:
 Cookies and Animal Crackers  [E]
Quick poem about messy kids
by Zinka
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*BalloonP*Hello Zinka! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!*Smile*

I couldn't resist the title which stirred my memory of animal crackers and the song "Animal crackers in my soup" as well!*Bigsmile*

I had to laugh at the scene you portray here and I can imagine it. I have been in kindergarten rooms at lunch time! LOL You really have the tone of voice down pat! This would be a great poem to illustrate.

I like the short phrases and questions which lend to the drama and frustration. The rhyme works too and might even be expanded to have a pattern. It is short poem but really gets your point across and could be seen as comical . *Thumbsup* You might even expand the poem to include more ideas expereinces of messy kids. Very relevant theme.

I noticed a typo in "were" whihc should be "where". *Wink*

I thought maybe you could put your name and date on a separate line as it was confusing as part of the poem.

I was wondering if writing it as a poem format would enhance the power and presentation of the words. Instead of just a group of linear statements, something like: {if I may be so bold as to mess with your work}

"What a mess!
All over her dress!
Crunched on the floor!
Where is a broom?
where is a mop?
I wish the kids would just stop!

One cracker mess here
(One) cookie mess there!
What? Some in her hair.?
Cookies and animal crackers
here, there, everywhere!"

You can also get a feeling of it and see where you might want to tweak it when you see it in this form.
This is just my point of view--take what feels right for you and leave the rest.

In any case, I found this entertaining with a strong voice and had fun playing here. *Starstruck*
Thanks sharing your craft!! Keep it coming.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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