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 Review #3978304 |
| Hello, firefly511. My name is Charlie and I’m happy to be reviewing your short story that I found on the "Read a Newbie" page. Thank you for sharing with us and giving me this opportunity to review. The following are just my personal opinions as a reader. I am not a professional. If you find something useful, awesome! If not, feel free to dismiss this.   Title I thought the title was interesting, but I'm not entirely sure what it has to do with the story. Maybe the guy in the story ran away from home and now he's in this situation. Maybe he is going to run away from the situation he's currently in. That, combined with the description, leaves me sort of confused. He's lived through hell and he needs help, but what happens when he falls in love? So, is this the hell he's living through and he's going to eventually fall in love? Maybe that's what it is.{size} Subject Matter and Theme I still can't tell if this is, like, a fetish thing. Maybe some sort of BDSM thing, or if he's being held captive by someone. Is the person doing this the one he fell in love with? Basically, all we know at this point, is that there is a main character being whipped. The man who is doing it is possibly broadcasting the scene to the captive's family. But the whole thing has this total fetish vibe to me, so I'm not exactly sure what's going on here. Flow and Readability  The story caught my attention right away. I wanted to figure out what was happening and what led to this situation. It held my attention all the way throughout. It was easy read and understand the physical situation that was happening, but I think there's more to this story that will make it easier to comprehend the full picture. Character and Story Development  From the small amount of information that we get, we feel bad for the main character because he's in this terrible situation, possibly being held captive. We also find out that his family may be watching this happen, which only makes you feel worse for the the main character. It does a good job of demonizing the person who is doing this to him. Tone and Imagery There was really good imagery when describing the whipping and the blood trickling down into a pool. I can see this scene taking place in some creepy, dark basement somewhere. The tone does confuse me though. I'm still not sure if this is an erotica or if this is like a suspense story. Possible Suggestions I would suggest going through and correcting the few times in the last paragraph that "I" isn't capitalized. I would also suggest moving the rating up to at least 18+ or GC. Probably GC, depending on where this story is going. If you tag the genres as erotica or has thriller/horror/suspense or whatever, the reader will be able to know what tone this is supposed to have. Final Thoughts Overall, I think this is an interesting start to something. I think there's probably a lot more to this story than we've read about here. I'm not sure if this is the beginning of the first chapter of something or not, but I hope you'll build more on it to make it a fuller story. Thanks again for sharing with us. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!"  .
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You responded to this review 04/15/2014 @ 4:50pm EDT