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Review #3978334
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Review by Charlie ~
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Rated: | (3.5)
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Hello, Soo Donim . My name is Charlie and I’m happy to be reviewing your short story that I found on the "Read a Newbie" page. Thank you for sharing with us and giving me this opportunity to review. The following are just my personal opinions as a reader. I am not a professional. If you find something useful, awesome! If not, feel free to dismiss this. *Cool*


*Questiono* Title

*Infoo* The title makes sense because something here is broken.


*Questionb* Subject Matter and Theme

*Infob* This is a flash fiction and it draws the reader in from the start. The reader is going to have to make some assumptions and guesses to fully enjoy the story though, as we aren't ever told what exactly is broken. Therefore, the subject matter of the story ends up being completely based upon the opinion of the reader. I think that the 'broken' thing was the girl's health. I think she's saying that she's ready to die because she doesn't want the main character to try to find someone to fix the problem. She's saying that it has broken before, but never to this extent and that it's about time it fully broke anyway. But then he steps over broken glass to leave. That part definitely confused me.


*Questionp* Flow and Readability

*Infop* This story caught my attention from the first sentence. I like stories that start out with dialogue. I think it's a good way to draw the reader in. I thought you did a good job of going playing the scene out and it held my attention throughout.


*Questionbl* Character and Story Development

*Info* This is where I found some issues. I don't feel like there was much development in the story. The reader really has to guess as to what's going on. I see that the girl is sick. She's in the hospital room. But what is the relation of the main character to her, and what broke? How is it the main character's fault?


*Questiong* Tone and Imagery

*Infog* I really liked the imagery that you gave us of the girl shivering despite the heat. The reader gets emotionally invested in the death of the girl and what has happened here.


*Questionv* Possible Suggestions

*Infov* I would suggest making some things more clear in the story. It will be more enjoyable and fulfilling for the reader. I didn't notice any errors on the technical side.


*Questionr* Final Thoughts

*Infor* Overall, I enjoyed this story, but I think it needs to be fleshed out a little bit to reach its full potential. Thanks again for sharing with us.


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