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 Review #3978681 |
| Hello there!  I am Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH   reviewing your story as a judge for the
Thanks for entering! This is a Simply positive Review.  This is a story about a high school, girl, on a trip with other teens and chaperones, through various European cities, during the Olympics. Thus it fits well within the Journey Through Genres, trip prompt. You paint clear images of some beautiful places.  Observations:  You have point of view changes, going from third person to first person narrative. It gets a bit confusing mid-way into the story; she at times speaks within quotations and sometimes without them in first person. "walking through the Bridge of Sighs and asking what it was, and was told “The Bridge of Sighs,” Is it The Bridge of Sighs or Bridge of Sighs? You use both titles, here. "Then she tried to make me feel better. " Repetitious words within close proximity, are underlined. "This was one thing, one truth I learned, people are not the same when they travel. Authenticity goes out the window." &"I didn’t pay attention to roommates and authenticity during the days in London ... " &"Yes, authenticity goes out the window during travel with others (who you don’t know well)."  You also overuse parentheses, which makes it distracting to read."It was in Salzburg that I really learned to be independent. In high school, I was very sheltered and I wasn’t very independent. & " I was just as independent in Paris, choosing to forgo shopping (which was boring with my classmates, they liked totally superficial things)" & " I also was reveling in my independence.” "so I['m] now I’m going back to remake better memories. " This story could use a little more editing to make it shine, being aware of cutting unnecessary words and repetitions. Good luck with the contest, and again, thanks for entering!  Regards, Web~Witch
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