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 Review #3979286 |
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| (5.0)| I saw this short piece on the Review Request Page and took a look. I'm glad I did. I hope you find my comments helpful. I'm giving this emotional piece a 5 star rating simply because it deserves it, and because since reading it I haven't been able to get it out of my thoughts. A very important element of writing is for the author to set a mood, something the reader can feel more than read, something that sets the story's tone. You have set that tone very well with your opening sentences; So still and quiet... I'm sitting on the living room couch with my knees pulled up to my chin, just watching the little drips of rain running paths down the outside of the window glass. There is no sound, no life anywhere around me in the house. Anticeptic... Right from the start I could feel the loneliness and despair of the character as she sat alone. The opening, or 'hook' is very well done. This may be me, more than the writing. But as I read this paragraph I was a bit confused as to who had the problem, Dylan, or the female character. Dylan sighed heavily. He sounded so worn and tired, and my heart hurt for him. The past couple of years had been particularly difficult. It was like he just started shutting down. Stressed and frustrated about everything, he had lost any patience with me. I didn't understand why, and I kept trying to reach out to reconnect. But, he seemed to just get further and further away. My response was to try to be more accepting and supportive and gentle. It hadn't helped. Dylan had started shutting down. Stressed and frustrated about everything, he had lost any patience with me. I was confused as to whether the female had the problem, (depression?),or was something happening to Dylan that had caused the couple to disconnect? Like I said, it may be that I'm missing something, or misinterpreting something, but I was left somewhat confused. This short piece drips with emotion, and you have presented it exceedingly well. Everything from the female's thoughts, to what she sees, is covered and turned into something that shows dark emotions. You have done a wonderful job with the emotions in this story. Lastly, I'd like to add. The presentation of a short story is just as important as the presentation of a fine meal. Font can make a story more palatable, font size brings the words more into focus, spacing appeals to the eye. May I suggest that you use a larger font,(this review uses 3.5 font) and using dark grey as the color makes the words easier to read. (I used dark grey color for this review) With so many stories competing for readers on WDC, you need to take every advantage to catch a reader's attention. Very few fiction stories remain in my thoughts for very long, but yours has done exactly that. This is well-written, emotional, and so very realistic that it is timeless. Thank you for sharing this, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your work. Brava! Shandralyn. Bikerider  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/18/2014 @ 9:55pm EDT